Embarrassment From the Past

The place to hang out with your fellow scholars, have a drink, share a laugh and enjoy each other's company.

Re: Embarrassment From the Past

Unread postby Mega Zarak » Thu Aug 17, 2017 4:28 pm

It's not so much of embarrassment for me, but rather the difference in attitude for myself. Back then, I tend to focus a lot on researching for the facts and "truths" behind historical events. Right now, I would rather take a less academic approach, and look at things from a more pragmatic and broad stroke approach. In short, I would now ponder over "why" rather than spend time researching on the "how".
User avatar
Mega Zarak
Grand Tutor of Wei
 
Posts: 1111
Joined: Sun Jun 16, 2002 2:38 am
Location: North of the River

Re: Embarrassment From the Past

Unread postby greencactaur » Fri Aug 18, 2017 11:59 am

I wouldn't say they're embarrassing more so that i'm surprised how often my opinions can change. I'll say one thing, but a month later i'll have a different opinion on the subject :shock: .
User avatar
greencactaur
Master
 
Posts: 231
Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2016 3:50 pm

Re: Embarrassment From the Past

Unread postby alicec29 » Fri Nov 03, 2017 8:04 am

Zyzyfer wrote:Yes, certainly. I used to play the King of Fighters series quite a bit, and really got into some of the online communities that sprung up as I discovered the wonders of the Internet. The series has a huge following in Southeast Asia, so I joined some more eccentric communities as well. One of them in particular was actually a forum for women (I'm a dude) who were into the games mutuelles TNS. There were therefore tons of emoticons flying about, and I wanted to fit in since it was an offshoot of a larger forum, so I was fairly prodigious with my use of emoticons.

I also had a brief stint where I did a derivative of the Filipino-style capitalization thing. Although this laid the groundwork for my later use of all lowercase letters when being facetious, so it's not all bad.

Considering I am not even Asian, the feeling that comes to me when I see these goofy old posts is the opposite of fondness. Of course, I imagine I will look back on my current posts in five or 10 years' time and question why I purposefully wrote in such a stiff and jilted manner. I could have written this post in a more direct and straightforward sort of style, but I have been on a "writing bloated crap" kick for a while now.

I sincerely hope you enjoy yourself with your new community. I would like to join a more active one.
alicec29
Tyro
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Nov 03, 2017 8:01 am

Re: Embarrassment From the Past

Unread postby Exar Kun » Wed Nov 08, 2017 11:58 pm

Mega Zarak wrote:It's not so much of embarrassment for me, but rather the difference in attitude for myself. Back then, I tend to focus a lot on researching for the facts and "truths" behind historical events. Right now, I would rather take a less academic approach, and look at things from a more pragmatic and broad stroke approach. In short, I would now ponder over "why" rather than spend time researching on the "how".


Great Deer! Whoa, post by 3k royalty :D

I tend to agree with you. The "why" allows for a far more intellectual debate I think.

Facts are always doing to be facts. But at the same time, given how segmented the knowledge base of the community was at the time, I think alot of people (myself included) appreciated alot of that research that you and others did as it taught a lot of people a lot of things. I can't think of many people that absolutely gut me in debates, but you're definitely one of them Chris.
"Two there should be; no more, no less.
One to embody the power, the other to crave it."
-Creed of the New Sith-
User avatar
Exar Kun
Dark Lord of the Sith
 
Posts: 3347
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2003 12:18 am
Location: Cruising the Nether

Re: Embarrassment From the Past

Unread postby Shikanosuke » Fri Aug 31, 2018 9:10 pm

Was flipping through old CA posts, especially ones concerning the discussing the South/the civil war, etc. To be charitable to myself, my views are much more nuanced and to be blunt I frankly just disagree with myself and agree with my (then) opponents. WWD also often showed the patience of a saint, as did the mods. Thought about deleting them all, as they're embarrassing, but I guess thats how you grow.
User avatar
Shikanosuke
Scholar of Shen Zhou
 
Posts: 4419
Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 2:22 am
Location: US

Re: Embarrassment From the Past

Unread postby Liu Yuante » Sun Sep 15, 2019 3:29 am

Oof - I just found an old post from 2007 where I predicted that Half-Life 2 would be released for the Wii.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

James wrote:
Dong Zhou wrote:I tend to know which ones are my post, it doesn't make it any less embarrassing. So I try not to look at my past posts, it is never a cheery thing to see my more immature times

I definitely don't seek them out.


You know, I kind of think I do seek them out, and i think it's a good thing. Last night I was perusing a bunch of old threads and was reminded just how much of a condescending, arrogant jackhat I could be when i was in my mid-to-late twenties (cue joke about how nothing has really changed). I also wasn't always good at explaining what I really meant.

This made me stop and think a bit as I work with some folks who are in that age group now, and I have on more than a few occasions found myself (silently) being pretty judgmental about some of the things they do, say, believe, etc. Re-acquainting myself with my own, shall we say, less than amazing attitude and behavior gave me some new perspective on these co-workers of mine. It also reminded me a lot of just why I hate it when people are judgmental and gave me pause to reflect on my own lapses and weaknesses in that area.

I try hard not to be because ultimately I think when we judge we aren't really looking to form (a human being's best attempt at being) accurately objective/empathic understanding of people and situations; rather, we are playing a game of superficial comparison/contrast where we juxtapose and project ourselves onto others for two purposes: grouping people and things under/into labels and boxes so we can compartmentalize the world and make it easier on us to process it; and to puff our ego by providing opportunities either for reinforcement ("person X is like me so that makes them good because I'm good") or dismissal ("this person is not like me so they are bad" or 'I cannot understand this therefore it cannot be understood").

Seeing those old posts brought a lot of this back to me and showed me 1) where I had plenty of the same behavior when I was twenty-something and 2) where I still fall down even today. True understanding, i think, requires first knowing ourselves for who and what we are, good and bad and in-between, without any of this comparison/contrast stuff. And if you can become comfortable with yourself for who you are on your own, without reference to others (because none of us is the reference point for reality), then you can acquire real self-confidence. I thought I'd acquired this a long time ago but it seems I've backslid. But if you can acquire this then this wonderful thing happens where you can now see other people/events/situations/places not as emblems of some idea or opinion that we need desperately to either support or denigrate, but rather as real people/things in the real world, with good and bad and in-between.

And when we then can see both ourselves and others in this way, then we stop judging. It doesn't mean we don't have opinions but we form and present and discuss them in a different way - it becomes about the person or thing or idea itself rather than this need to constantly contextualize everything within the fabric of ourselves. Reading a lot of embarrassing old posts really kind of helped me see these things again, understand that my attitude towards some of my younger co-workers is unnecessarily judgmental and unforgiving and hopefully stimulate some positive movement on my part.

So, maybe having one's own immaturity archived permanently online isn't the worst thing ever, after all.
User avatar
Liu Yuante
绯红王
 
Posts: 2696
Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2004 12:20 am
Location: Central Pennsylvania

Re: Embarrassment From the Past

Unread postby Jake » Wed Feb 05, 2020 10:48 pm

This is going to be a long one, so excuse me while I share my personal shame and regret with you.

I joined the SoSZ community way back in 2005, almost 15 years ago. When I joined, Dynasty Warriors 5 had been around for a few month, and I was crazy about everything, that was DW-related in some way. Kong Ming -website was one of the best resources at the time to get info about the game and the unlockables, so a Google search about them brought me to the site. Around that time I had joined a few Finnish forums based around Anime, Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy at that time, so joining a forum where you could pour out your fandom about Dynasty Warriors, was a no brainer.

I have to mention, that at the time when I registered an account to the forum, I was just 11 years old. A child with childlike views about the world and other people. I was also an desperate attention seeker, so everything positive said to me or about something I said gave me an enormous boost to my confidence, which I sadly lacked at the time. Forums were an easy resource to gather that made you feel that you and your opinions were appreciated and special (even though, they clearly weren't).

So in a way, this forum is my greatest joy, and yet, my personal hall-of-shame. I apologize to everyone that had to withstand the nuisance that is Jake. :roll:

So, here goes. The most embarrassing things that have been haunting my mind ever since I grew a brain. I apologize for the people that had to tolerate my being in the forums, and I hope that you can laugh at these mistakes as I can these days.

First on the list, a Bleach fanart scam. I remember that this was a thing that I made around the first or second year of my stay in the SoSZ community. I used to draw a lot in my pre-teens and was a fan of basically everyone that knew how to draw, and there were some people in the forums that made excellent and even life-like drawings. Of course in response to that, I wanted some attention too. So, I went to Google, and typed in Bleach artwork, posted into the forums with one of the pictures found online and said that it was my creation. A few comments poured in that it was made by me, and for a few days everything went smooth as hell... Until someone noticed that it was not made by me and called me for it. I don't remember how the whole ordeal went, I probably lied until I was caught up in it and let the whole thing die down until I returned like nothing had happened. It still haunts me today, and is probably one of the reasons I stopped drawing at the time, because I was so ashamed of the lie I had created.

Posting a picture claiming it was me. So this one guy, that was part of a parkour group back in 2005 and onwards, was a super buffed out guy with abs and the looks that I adored as a pre-teen. Like, this guy was everything I wanted to be, yet I did nothing to achieve it. So what the hell, better to create an online personality claiming to be a buffed out guy that can draw perfectly than to be myself. I remember posting a picture of the guy in the "Post your pictures!" -thread and getting a mention about the abs that the guy had, and NOT EVEN KNOWING WHAT THE WORD ABS MEANT. I think I confessed this crime at some point during my stay at SoSZ, but couldn't find the courage to dig up my old posts. Let the past stay in the past is my motto, when visiting the forums these days.

Whining about a moderator position to Goldfish.

Oh boy.

This one is a painful memory to think about, even today. I used to moderate a few Finnish discussion boards in my pre-teens, and thought that it gave me all the authority to moderate these forums as well. Goldfish used to moderate some boards, and I used to bug him to ask the admins about if they could permit me with moderating powers to the gaming and music boards in the forums. At the time, I didn't think about it too much but nowadays it's a shameful memory since I know I would be annoyed as hell as well, if the same happened to me. I'm sorry dude, I was an idiot.

Leaving for good and coming back after a few weeks. For 40 times. Okay, 40 might not be enough. This was definitely one of the things, that was because of my need for seeking attention. Sun Fin actually mentioned this when I last posted to the thread and made me realize that holy sh^t, it's true. It was an weekly occurence.

Basically my whole experience of SoSZ 2005 and onwards. During the last few years of my stay here, I've felt almost comfortable posting as myself and not trying to be someone that I am not. But, even though the past of my writings haunts me in some ways, it has been a lesson in life not to lie, claim something as yours that is not, and being just a decent person overall.

I apologize to all of the member of this forum that had to tolerate me in the years that I was not really ready to be here. Yet, some of my fondest memories are spending nights refreshing the site and reading every possible post that was sent to the sub forums.

Cheers.

><>
Puhkon silmäni, että näkisin
En tahdo nähdä, mutta näen sen väkisin
Runtelen korvani, jotta kuulisin
En ymmärrä, mutta kuulen sen väkisin
User avatar
Jake
Scholar of Shen Zhou
 
Posts: 979
Joined: Sat Nov 26, 2005 9:21 am
Location: Hella Vodka

Re: Embarrassment From the Past

Unread postby Dong Zhou » Thu Feb 06, 2020 9:26 am

Thank you for the brave honesty.

I have to mention, that at the time when I registered an account to the forum, I was just 11 years old. A child with childlike views about the world and other people. I was also an desperate attention seeker, so everything positive said to me or about something I said gave me an enormous boost to my confidence, which I sadly lacked at the time. Forums were an easy resource to gather that made you feel that you and your opinions were appreciated and special (even though, they clearly weren't).


Certainly been there

I thin most of us have good reason not to look back at our past posts and have those mixed memories of great days here but also stuff we wish we hadn't done. You weren't helped perhaps by being the first generation of teenager where such forums became common place and having your growing up in such public view, a lot of us did things we are ashamed of during those growing up years. You have grown and glad you have become more confident in who you are, you are certainly a most welcome member of this forum
User avatar
Dong Zhou
A-Dou
A-Dou
 
Posts: 17256
Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2005 12:32 pm
Location: "Now we must die. May Your Majesty maintain yourself"

Re: Embarrassment From the Past

Unread postby Sun Fin » Thu Feb 06, 2020 7:19 pm

Jake wrote:This is going to be a long one, so excuse me while I share my personal shame and regret with you...

Leaving for good and coming back after a few weeks. For 40 times. Okay, 40 might not be enough. This was definitely one of the things, that was because of my need for seeking attention. Sun Fin actually mentioned this when I last posted to the thread and made me realize that holy sh^t, it's true. It was an weekly occurence.


As Dong said, thank you so much for you honesty. I basically flamed a moderator, then put out a post about feeling unwelcome before hiding for 2 years at one point in my history on the board - by which time I was legally an adult. Your hissy fits were definitely minor in comparison, if more regular. :lol:

Anyway I definitely didn't say it at the time to embarrass you, I've always enjoyed your presence around the forum and am glad you still post as regularly as you do, Jake!
Have a question about a book or academic article before you buy it? Maybe I have it!
Check out my library here for a list of Chinese history resources I have on hand!
User avatar
Sun Fin
Librarian of Shen Zhou
 
Posts: 7816
Joined: Sat Nov 10, 2007 9:20 pm
Location: Vicar Factory

Re: Embarrassment From the Past

Unread postby Jake » Fri Feb 07, 2020 12:53 am

It certainly feels great to get these things out of my chest. It's also reassuring to know that you guys have felt somehow the same feelings that I've had.

Cheers for the years to come, whilst James doesn't notice the server payment being charged from his account so the rest of us can shitpost to the forums about 3K and personal issues.
Puhkon silmäni, että näkisin
En tahdo nähdä, mutta näen sen väkisin
Runtelen korvani, jotta kuulisin
En ymmärrä, mutta kuulen sen väkisin
User avatar
Jake
Scholar of Shen Zhou
 
Posts: 979
Joined: Sat Nov 26, 2005 9:21 am
Location: Hella Vodka

Previous

Return to The Pub

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

Copyright © 2002–2008 Kongming’s Archives. All Rights Reserved