Fate of a Rebel/Parody of the Three Kingdoms

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Unread postby Taishi Ci 2.0 » Mon Apr 30, 2007 10:37 pm

Destiny of an Emperor Parody: Part 7
---
Inside a tent at Fan Shui Guan...

ImageZhang Fei: Looks like Song Yong was hurt pretty badly by that attack. He's going to need to stay here for a while.

ImageSong Yong: Oh, woe is me. I'm stuck here in this nice safe bed instead of risking my life.

ImageSong Ren: Don't get too confortable. We only paid for one night.

ImageGuan Yu: Don't worry about him. We'll come back and get him once we've attacked Hu Lao Guan.

ImageLiu Feng: But we're a man short now. How are we going to replace a warrior like Song Yong?

ImageMi Zhe: Oh please, you're worried about losing Song Yong? Anyone with half a brain could do the same job. I mean, that fellow over there would suffice.

ImageYang Jin: Arrr, me hearties! I'm Yang Jin, the meanest pirate 'round these parts! How'd you like to have a real pirate on your team?

ImageZhang Fei: Seems like a trustworthy man to me.

ImageGuan Yu: Hey you, Yang Jin. We need another meatshield for our attack on Hu Lao Guan, so you're hired for now.

ImageYang Jin: Ah, a worthy decision, my swarthy friend! But first, I suggest we stop by my secret pirate cove.

ImageSong Ren: Why would a pirate have a base this far inland?

ImageYang Jin: Arr, keeps away those pesky ninja.

ImageGuan Yu: I suppose we can spend a little time before we attack Hu Lao Guan. Chen Deng, you stay here and watch Song Yong while we're gone.

ImageChen Deng: Not like I had any better plans.

Later, at Yang Jin's "secret pirate cove"...

ImageYang Jin: Bask in the glory of my hideout, mates! A finer arrangement of rock and stone ye shall never see again.

ImageMi Zhe: You're joking, right? This place is a hovel.

ImageZhang Fei: Look, why are we here? Do you have any sort of treasure we can take with us?

ImageYang Jin: Indeed I do! Just follow me and I will show you where the good stuff is.

ImageSong Ren: I cannot believe things have come to this. We're following a pirate wannabe through a dark cave.

ImageGuan Yu: Just look at the bright side: he's probably been stealing from people at the capital. So he's bound to have something decent in here.

Hours later...

ImageYang Jin: Arr, we are nearly at the treasure now, mates!

ImageMi Zhe: My legs are about to fall off. This better be worth it.

ImageZhang Fei: Oh come on. He may be stupid, but nobody would walk all this way just to--

ImageYang Jin: Here it is, my greatest treasure! I pushed over an old man and took it from him, which was my ultimate pirate raid.

ImageLiu Feng: Wow. A key.

ImageYang Jin: A golden key, mate!

ImageImageImageImageEveryone:......

ImageGuan Yu: Yang Jin. Listen. We're going to play a game called Hide and Seek now. You go hide somewhere in this room, and we'll try and find you. Don't come out until we find you, got it?

ImageYang Jin: Arrr, sounds like a grand time! But I warn you, I know these tunnels like the back of my hand! *hides*

ImageGuan Yu: Right then, let's get the hell out of this cave.

More hours later...

ImageMi Zhe: Coming here was a complete waste of time. Let's never speak of this to anyone.

ImageGuan Ping: Does that include me?

ImageZhang Fei: And you are?

ImageGuan Ping: I'm Guan Yu's adopted son. Can't you tell by our similar facial hair?

ImageSong Ren: Oh god, not another one. Zhang Fei, you don't have an adopted son too, do you?

ImageZhang Fei: Not any sons...

ImageLiu Feng: This isn't fair! There should only be one adopted son in this group.

ImageGuan Yu: You're right, Liu Feng. So I'm kicking you out. Go back to Fan Shui Guan and send Song Yong after us when he's recovered.

ImageLiu Feng: Why can't I ever win?

Near Hu Lao Guan...

ImageGuan Yu: Everyone get ready. The people at Fan Shui Guan told me that a warrior named Lu Bu is guarding the gate here, and he's supposed to be very strong.

ImageZhang Fei: Even if he is, it's him vs. the seven of us. We have the advantage.

ImageSong Ren: Oh yeah, that plan really worked out the last time you tried it.

ImageZhang Fei: It better work this time. Unless you want to beat him the same way you beat the Zhang brothers?

ImageSong Ren: I'll pass on that, thanks.

ImageGuan Yu: Then let's go!

ImageLu Bu: Hey look, Li Ru, more insects to challenge me. I'm going to try and set a new record on this one. What's my fastest time?

ImageLi Ru: Twenty seconds.

ImageLu Bu: It's clobberin' time!

The following battle, though epic, could not be shown due to budget cuts...

ImageImageImageImageImageImageLiu Bei's army: *stylishly dead*

ImageLu Bu: Time!

ImageLi Ru: 19.92 seconds.

ImageLu Bu: Hahaha! Lu Bu wins again!

ImageSong Yong: Hey guys, Liu Feng sent me over here to...help...out...

ImageImageImageImageImageImageLiu Bei's army: *still stylishly dead*

ImageSong Yong: Lu Bu, you fool! They were my best friends! And now, I, Song Yong, shall avenge them!

ImageLu Bu: Hahaha....wait, did you say your name was Song Yong?

ImageSong Yong: That's right!

Flashback...

ImageDong Zhuo: Lu Bu, don't worry about the Coalition. They're all a bunch of weaklings. But if you ever meet a man named Song Yong, you better run away. Liu Bei told me himself that Song Yong is the strongest warrior in the land.

End flashback...

ImageLu Bu: It's him! Song Yong!

ImageImageLu Bu and Li Ru: Run away!!!

ImageSong Yong: I...I actually beat Lu Bu? Hahaha! I really am the strongest warrior in the land!

Song Yong runs around in glee and accidentally runs into someone.

ImageSong Yong: Hey, you there! I'm Song Yong the Mighty! And who might you be?

ImageHuo Hu: Me? My name is Huo Hu. I am good with powders.

Meanwhile...

ImageYang Jin: Arrr, I be the best Hide and Seek player ever.

more to come...
"You have attacked us before, and we survived! You cannot defeat us. Submit!"
"We have. You did. We can. No."
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Unread postby Lordyuanshu » Tue May 01, 2007 1:14 am

Yang Jin is pretty cool.

Song Yong at Hu Lao Gate = victory.
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Unread postby Adam » Wed May 02, 2007 12:39 am

Only problem I'm having is doing that horrid James challenge....if only the characters were this entertaining in the game, it might make this less of a headache. :(
Keep them coming damnit!
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Unread postby Lordyuanshu » Wed May 02, 2007 12:48 am

Yep they just aren't quite as fun and personable in the game, are they. Well that's why Taishi is creating the DoaE parody of course.

If the challenge is causing you troubles use the speedup function on the NES emulator, maybe that'll make it go better for you.
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Unread postby James » Wed May 02, 2007 12:55 am

Huo Hu! Horray! :D

(I love this, by the way!)
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Unread postby dirtybird » Wed May 02, 2007 1:12 am

Nice.
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Unread postby Taishi Ci 2.0 » Wed May 02, 2007 3:22 am

*is whipped* Ouch. No more Fantasy Sanguo pics for you, Adam.

So it takes Huo Hu for you to comment, James?

Thanks for the comments, everyone.
_________________

Destiny of an Emperor Parody: Part 8
---
Inside Hu Lao Guan...

ImageGuan Yu: So let me get this straight. You managed to defeat Lu Bu and Li Ru by yourself.

ImageSong Yong: Yes.

ImageGuan Yu: Without even swinging a blade.

ImageSong Yong: Yes.

ImageGuan Yu: And then you managed to pull all of us to this tent.

ImageSong Yong: Yes...actually, no, I got some help from my new friend here.

ImageHuo Hu: Pleasure to meet you. I am named Huo Hu.

ImageMi Zhe: You seem like a perfectly normal fellow. What's the catch here?

ImageHuo Hu: Oh, no catch. I just happen to indulge in a little powder now and then. I'm a master of powders, actually.

ImageZhang Fei: That sounds like a typical trait. Despite the fact that none of us knows what this "powder" might be.

ImageHuo Hu: It's quite simple, really. You just take some--

ImageSong Ren: *groan* *whine* *wheeze*

ImageGuan Ping: Hey, Song Ren's not looking too good, fellows.

ImageGuan Yu: You guys keep an eye on him, then. I'm going to go talk to Cao Cao.

ImageZhang Fei: Have fun with that, Bro.

Guan Yu goes to Cao Cao's tent...

ImageGuan Yu: Lord Cao Cao, we've managed to defeat Lu Bu and capture Hu Lao Guan for the Coalition.

ImageCao Cao: Despite the fact that I have a camp set up here and thus already know that, I'm going to act like it's news and congratulate you. Keep up the good work.

ImageGuan Yu: Thanks...I think. By the way, do we know where the Emperor is?

ImageCao Cao: He's probably still in Luo Yang with Dong Zhuo. Yuan Shao and Yuan Shu already went to go attack the city, and I'm planning to join them soon.

ImageGuan Yu: Then I guess we better get ready to leave too.

ImageCao Cao: Good idea. Now, observe as I leave this tent through the wall!

Back in Guan Yu's tent...

ImageSong Ren: *cough* *sputter* *mumble*

ImageGuan Ping: He's getting really sick. Isn't there anything we can give him?

ImageHuo Hu: I suppose you could always use some of my special powder. Let me just...hmmm?

ImageMi Zhe: Something wrong?

ImageHuo Hu: My powder's all gone, for some reason. You fellows just stay here, and I'll go find some more. *leaves*

ImageZhang Fei: "Powder", huh? Wonder what it does...

ImageSong Yong: Yeah, who knows what...hey, there's a bottle of something on the floor here.

ImageGuan Ping: It looks like it's that powder Huo Hu was talking about. I guess he dropped it.

ImageSong Yong: Yeah, that's possible. Let's see if it works. Here, Bro, eat some of this powder.

ImageSong Ren: *gulp gulp* Uhhh, my head...what happened?

ImageSong Yong: You were all knocked out by Lu Bu, but he ran away and now you're in Hu Lao Guan.

ImageSong Ren: That's good...wait, he ran away? Why?

ImageSong Yong: It seems that I intimidated him so much, he just turn and ran.

ImageSong Ren: Oh come on, I have a hard time believing that one.

ImageSong Yong: You better believe it. I just called out my name and--

ImageSong Ren: Hey, something's different about you. Did your face change?

ImageSong Yong: Huh? What are you talking about?

ImageSong Ren: You don't look the same.

ImageSong Yong: Of course I look the same.

ImageSong Ren: I'm serious. Something weird's going on...

ImageMi Zhe: Maybe you hit your head harder than we thought.

ImageSong Ren: I have no idea what's going on...

ImageZhang Fei: Uh, Song Ren, you ok?

ImageSong Ren: AHH! SNAKE MONSTERS!!! *faints*

ImageZhang Fei: Ok, now I'm confused....

ImageHuo Hu: Hey, I'm back with the powder. What happened to Song Ren?

ImageZhang Fei: We found some powder that you dropped, so we fed it to him so he'd get better.

ImageHuo Hu: You fed it to him? Oh my, he's going to be out for a while then.

ImageGuan Yu: Guys, we're moving out. Get ready to march to Luo Yang.

ImageGuan Ping: But Song Ren's still, uh, incapacitated.

ImageGuan Yu: Just leave him here then. We'll pick him up on the way back to Xuzhou. We're only going as far as the capital so we can meet the Emperor.

Later, near Luo Yang...

ImageGuan Yu: Listen up, men. There's two gates we need to break through before we reach Luo Yang. So don't waste too much energy early on.

ImageGuan Ping: So you're saying we need to--

ImageLi Jue: Prepare to fight Li Jue.

ImageGuan Yu: Assuming Li Jue is the first person we fight, then yes.

ImageZhang Fei: I'm pretty sure he is, seeing as he's right behind you.

ImageGuan Yu: Oh. Well. Damn. Get him!

Li Jue is quickly defeated...

ImageMi Zhe: That's one gate down. Who's next?

ImageXu Rong: Prepare to die!

ImageSong Yong: Ok, how would you prepare for something like that?

ImageXu Rong: Just be quiet so I can kill you.

ImageGuan Yu: Not gonna happen.

Xu Rong is easily struck down...

ImageGuan Yu: Alright, this is it. Are we all set?

ImageYuan Shu: Not without me, you're not!

ImageHuo Hu: Who might you be?

ImageYuan Shu: You don't know me? I'm the great Lord Yuan Shu! And you don't stand a chance against Dong Zhuo without me!

ImageZhang Fei: Fine, whatever. We can always use another helping hand.

ImageGuan Yu: Luo Yang is just ahead. Everyone, attack!

more to come...
"You have attacked us before, and we survived! You cannot defeat us. Submit!"
"We have. You did. We can. No."
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Unread postby Lord Chuff » Wed May 02, 2007 5:19 am

Very good. I've never played Destiny of an Emperor but I still find this very funny. Are you going to continue with you Three Kingdoms Parody? I though that was very good too, especially the bit with Lu Boshe.
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Unread postby Taishi Ci 2.0 » Wed May 02, 2007 11:32 am

I might continue that later, because there's already a couple of novel parodies on this site and I've never seen any other Destiny of an Emperor parodies.
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Unread postby dirtybird » Wed May 02, 2007 11:58 am

Excellent, while i've never played Destiny Of An Emperor i do however enjoy the way you portray the characters. Very good.
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