Destiny of an Emperor Parody: Part 2
Liu Bei reaches Qingzhou castle.
Ha, ha, ha. You insolent fool. You think you can threaten us with such a small force? We'll crush you in one breath.
Alright guys, let's do this the way we planned. Me, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei will attack, while Mi Zhe and Song Ren use Lian Huo.
But boss, we don't know Lian Huo yet.
What? Why not?
We haven't leveled up yet. You only fought one battle.
Oh. Ok, backup plan. We're going to form two teams. Team A will consist of me, Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, Mi Zhe, and Song Ren. Team B will be Song Yong. Now, Team B's job is to defeat all the enemies, while Team A stands over there relaxing. Everybody, go!
Hey now, I don't think--
Good luck, Song Yong!
Song Yong manages to kill all of the enemies, but passes out from stress.
Wow, he did it. Ok, Song Ren, find someplace to dump him while we loot the city.
Oh sure, make the generic officer do all the dirty work. I better find an inn or something. This fellow here looks helpful. Hey buddy, where's the inn?
Ma Yuan Yi:
Hey, boy! I'm Ma Yuan Yi. If you are foolish enough to attack the Yellow Scarves, you will find your impertinence very costly. Go ahead! Attack!
No one said anything about attacking. I just want to find the inn.
Ma Yuan Yi:
You're...you're not going to attack me?
No. No I'm not.
Ma Yuan Yi:
Not even a punch?
Ok, fine. If you don't tell me where the inn is, then I will beat you up harder
than if you do tell me. How's that?
Ma Yuan Yi shows him where the inn is. Song Ren throws a single weak punch.
Ma Yuan Yi:
I admit, you have bested me. Let me live and I will give you some information. Go south-west and you will find Mt. Da Xing, the citadel of the Yellow Scarves. Zhang Bao and his rebels are there.
Um...thanks? I didn't really need to know anything except where the inn is.
Hey, another house to rob. Time to check the pots!
Look, Chen Deng, they defeated the Yellow Turbans here. They must be looking out for the people.
And the fact that they're robbing everyone in town blind does nothing to prove otherwise to you?
Nope. In fact, I think you should join them.
Hrmm? Someone wants to join us?
No, no one like that around here.
Chen Gui: Ahem
...I hear you are raising troops to destroy the Yellow Scarves. My son Chen Deng is a martial arts master--
Except, you know, not, since I am clearly a mage of some type.
...Allow him to join you and you will never regret it.
You bet he can join!
Liu Bei pulls out a long list and makes a mark on it near the top.
That's four generals down, and only 147 more to go! Gotta recuit them all!
My Heaven. I think I'm going to kill myself.
Get in line.
Everyone regroups at the inn.
Ok men, what's our next plan?
I found some bits of string. I thought we might occupy ourselves with that.
Some crazy guy told me where the rest of the Yellow Turbans are. Maybe we should go kill them.
Let's take a vote. What do you guys want to do?
Bits of string!
Kill the Turbans!
You guys are no fun, you know that?
Turbans it is. Wake up Song Yong and we'll move out. Now, Song Ren, which way is Mt. Da Xing?
Eh? Oh, I, uh, forgot to write it down. But come on, it's a mountain. How hard can it be to find one of those?
Several hours later...
Everyone: DAMN IT SONG REN!
more to come...
"You have attacked us before, and we survived! You cannot defeat us. Submit!"
"We have. You did. We can. No."