Three Kingdoms Parody.

Fan art, illustrations, poetry, music, photography, and more.

Vote for your fave character!

Liu Bei - "The money is mine you dumb ********!"
7
16%
Zhuge Liang - "Call again in six days baker and we'll luncheon again!"
3
7%
Cao Cao - "I'd rather be eviler than the world, than the world be evil to me! Wait, that's not right..."
7
16%
Guan Yu - "Aaargh! I stabbed myself!"
1
2%
Zhang Fei - "Potato juice anyone?"
0
No votes
Zhao Yun - "Run! Run quickly!"
2
5%
Huang Zhong - "Reminds me of 175 AD. Back then we didn't have air. We called it breath stuff!"
8
19%
Wei Yan - "So HUNGRY!"
3
7%
Pang Tong - "Ooh. You smell something?"
1
2%
Sun Quan - "Open wide and don't you dare scream!"
2
5%
Gan Ning - "Arr! We be plundering the seven seas!"
3
7%
Liao Hua - "Stop killing me!"
5
12%
Other
1
2%
 
Total votes : 43

Unread postby robbyjo » Tue Jul 06, 2004 8:01 pm

:lol: Thanks for the good laughs, Sima Hui! That lighten my day up! Thanks!!!

-- Rob
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Unread postby Lord Ma-koto Chaoying » Sat Jul 10, 2004 11:41 am

robbyjo wrote::lol: Thanks for the good laughs, Sima Hui! That lighten my day up! Thanks!!!

-- Rob


:D Ah, yes, reading your parodies helped me to have a good laugh. :D Now I am in a good mood ! :D Please, keep up the good work ! Otherwise I won't be in a good mood any longer ( :wink: just kidding) !

You're gifted for funny writings ! :D


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In a path without fear nor violence."
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Unread postby Sima Hui » Mon Aug 02, 2004 7:58 pm

Chapter 19. Lu "Igor" Su and Zhuge "Insane" Liang.

Sun Quan accepted Liu Bei's proposal to form an alliance against Cao Cao. This may have been because he wanted to stand against Cao Cao gloriously and go into history like a shining spirit.

Or maybe it was because after five minutes of watching Wei Yan drool hungrily at Gu Yong and mutter something about trimmings.

Anyway, Liu Bei was invited to the city of Mo Filling to talk about resisting Cao Cao. With him went Zhuge Liang, Zhao Yun, Guan Yu, Zhang Fei and Huang Zhong (styled You Old Geezer), an OAP from the Old Age Home in Jiangxia. He had volunteered and left his post as leader of the False Teeth Cruncher Team.

In Mo Filling, Liu Bei came face to face with Sun Quan. However, Zhang Zhao, the adviser advocating surrender, had other ideas, and decided to argue with Zhuge Liang.

Arguing with an LSD taker who's also an adviser, is a very, very, very bad idea.

"My lord," said Zhang Zhao, "If they are as insane as we are, we can go ahead with this plan. If not, we should submit."

"I'm worried to go ahead with this plan," replied Quan, " But if they're as mad as us, that would be great!"

"Phff," snorted Zhao, "There's no chance."

"Zhuge Liang!" shouted Zhao, "What do you think about this plan?"

"Sunshine, lollipops, rainbows, everything's wonderful when we're together!" Zhuge Liang sang happily.

"Hahaha," laughed Sun Quan, "You're as mad as we are! I accept the plan! I'd like you to meet Lu Su, styled Igor. He will show you to your rooms."

Liu Bei turned. He saw a hunched-over figure who was laughing creepily and rubbing his hands.

"Come Master Liu," he rasped, "and I will show you to your doom, I mean room! Ahahahaha..."

"Why do I have the feeling I'm gonna die?" wondered Liu Bei.

"I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles..."

"Oh shut up Military Adviser..."

End of Chapter 19.
This topic is an affront to both The Man and The Son of the Man.

-Ts'aoist

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He was okay when he was an obedient slave of The Man.


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Unread postby Lady Wu » Mon Aug 02, 2004 8:26 pm

Hilarious work! Keep it up! :lol:

I feel sorry for Wei Yan, though... "Scapegoat General"...
"Whatever you do, don't fall off the bridge! It'll be a pain to try to get back up again." - Private, DW 8
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Unread postby Sima Hui » Mon Aug 02, 2004 8:33 pm

Lady Wu wrote:Hilarious work! Keep it up! :lol:

I feel sorry for Wei Yan, though... "Scapegoat General"...


Thank you Lady Wu. I look forward to any more comments you may have. I'm surprised you haven't attacked me for making Wu commanders sadistic dentists. :lol:

About Wei Yan, I feel he's been unfairly treated and made a scapegoat, so therefore, he's Scapegoat General in my parody. :wink:
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He was okay when he was an obedient slave of The Man.


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Unread postby robbyjo » Tue Aug 03, 2004 2:51 am

Wow, man! That's really funny! :lol:

--> "Phff," snorted Zhao, "There's no chance. This Cao Cao... He will fill us with his caramel of wrath!" :lol:

-- Rob
:mrgreen:
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Unread postby Sima Hui » Tue Aug 03, 2004 10:01 am

Thank you rob! :mrgreen:

Chapter 20. The Court of Wu.

After Liu Bei had been taken to his doom, I mean room, the rest of his officers started wandering about.

Zhuge Liang walked aimlessly, but happily, through the courtyard. He had some worries about Cao Cao's army, but for a man who has discussed the Art of War with pink elephants this was only a minor worry.

Huang Zhong and Wei Yan were walking together through the throne room.

"The price of food has gone up too much!" grumbled Huang Zhong.

"You're telling me old boy," replied Wei Yan, "I haven't had a proper meal in three years!"

He was aware of a cold sword placed at his groin height.

"No-one calls me old boy! I'm not old!" Zhong growled. "And I'm going to prove it!"

He jumped towards Taishi Ci, the machocist in Wu's army, who was walking in the courtyard.

What Huang Zhong did to Taishi Ci was so horrible that Wei Yan lost his appetite. For about five seconds.

"Aaargh!" screamed Ci, "Arrrgh! Oh god, that hurts! I haven't felt this revitalized since Kong Rong beat my head in with a stick!"

"Uhh, you," said Sun Quan, who was still sat on his throne, "the pet, mascot, whatever you call it of Liu Bei's."

"Yes?" replied Wei Yan.

"Does Liu Bei have a wife?"

"He used to, but she couldn't go on living after coming to Jiangxia."

"Why?"

"She met me."

"Oh, well, I have a beautiful young sister. Maybe he'd like to get married to her?"

"Hmm, wedding," mused Wei Yan, "If there's a wedding there'll be food! I'll do it!"

***

Liu Bei was rushing after Lu Su, who had a fine turn of speed. He looked up into a window and saw Lady Sun.

Now audience, pick your favourite love song and listen to it in your head for thirty seconds, as time enters slow-motion and he runs looking up at her.

Keep listening to it as she turns round slowly sees him. The light of love is in both sets of eyes.

That is, until Liu Bei runs into a tree. You can stop listening to your music now.

The trees are full of birdsong.

And sadly, also of Guan Yu, Zhang Fei and Zhao Yun. They are fishing in a nearby pond.

"Ooh," said Guan Yu, his line tugging, "I've caught a big one."

He pulled it up. The catch wasn't a cod, haddock, shark, or even a goldfish. It was Taishi Ci, after being beaten up by Huang Zhong.

Silence, a terrible silence.

Then, naturally, Zhao Yun is the first to scream.

"ARRGH! FISHMAN! RUN!"

He quickly disappears. Guan Yu and Zhang Fei follow his example.

Taishi Ci is dropped into the water.

"I love working for Wu," he said underwater. Then he remembered something.

"Umm, hello? Can someone help me? I think I'm drowning. Hello?"

End of Chapter 20.
Last edited by Sima Hui on Wed Aug 04, 2004 1:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
This topic is an affront to both The Man and The Son of the Man.

-Ts'aoist

Ssuma I sucks.
He was okay when he was an obedient slave of The Man.


-Ts'aoist

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Unread postby robbyjo » Tue Aug 03, 2004 8:14 pm

Sima Hui wrote:"No-one calls me old boy! I'm not old!" Zhong growled. "And I'm going to prove it!"

He jumped towards Taishi Ci, the machocist in Wu's army, who was walking in the courtyard.

What Huang Zhong did to Taishi Ci was so horrible that Wei Yan was lost his appetite. For about five seconds.

"Aaargh!" screamed Ci, "Arrrgh! Oh god, that hurts! I haven't felt this revitalized since Kong Rong beat my head in with a stick!"


Huang Zhong replied (in a redneck voice), "Ye ain't gettin' yerself lobotomized, eh, sonny?" :lol:

That oughttabe funny... :lol: Great work, Sima Hui...

-- Rob
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Unread postby Lady Wu » Tue Aug 03, 2004 8:21 pm

Sima Hui wrote:I'm surprised you haven't attacked me for making Wu commanders sadistic dentists. :lol:

That's because... Wu commanders are sadistic dentists. Didn't you know? :wink: (mwahahahahaha)

I love the curt, ironic, irreverent slapstickish humour. And the pink elephants.

"Hmm, wedding," mused Wei Yan, "If there's a wedding there'll be food! I'll do it!"

I would almost bet that Wei Yan had been a graduate student once, because of his constant search for free food. :lol: I empathize, man!
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Unread postby The Captain America » Fri Aug 06, 2004 9:56 pm

I've hardly read the first chapter and I can't stop laughing. it is so funny you must keep doing this. hehehehe..yellow socks are funny espcially with that sandwich guy.
I'm back baby and I just want to say...I lost my train of thought.
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