Post your poetry

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Re: Post your poetry

Unread postby Qu Hui » Fri Oct 16, 2009 5:40 am

Blue Moon Samurai wrote:Though in my opinion the last stanza seems out of place, take it out all together if you present this poem to a greater crowd, just end it at the forth stanza. Also you can make this into a sonnet, you got some rhymes down like life and rife; tale and sail; and my favorite ladies and hades. :lol:

I was referencing the Odessey, where Odysseus avoids the Siren's song by having his men stuff cotton in their ears and tie him to the mast so he wouldn't fling himself into the sea.
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Re: Post your poetry

Unread postby Devilrai » Fri Oct 16, 2009 6:00 am

Qu Hui wrote:
Blue Moon Samurai wrote:Though in my opinion the last stanza seems out of place, take it out all together if you present this poem to a greater crowd, just end it at the forth stanza. Also you can make this into a sonnet, you got some rhymes down like life and rife; tale and sail; and my favorite ladies and hades. :lol:

I was referencing the Odessey, where Odysseus avoids the Siren's song by having his men stuff cotton in their ears and tie him to the mast so he wouldn't fling himself into the sea.



Oops...I meant to say Odyssey, got confused with Argonautica where there a was a warning like your poem, but more in Odyssey though. Now I think about it keep the last stanza but wasn't it bees-wax, not cotton?
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Re: Post your poetry

Unread postby Shu Ryorin » Wed Dec 02, 2009 9:47 pm

Qu Hui wrote:A poem I wrote not five minutes ago.

The Sirens


Very fun poem, Hui! I like the non-standard rhyme scheme and cautionary style!
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Re: Post your poetry

Unread postby Mikhail » Wed Jan 27, 2010 5:11 pm

I'm quite horrible with poetry, simply because I'm unknowledgeable of different methods and whatnot to actually make anything good (such as rhythmn, form, etc). However, I have used it in the past to express things (in writing) and hide behind so that the illusion that I like to be portrayed as is never broken. I usually like to portray myself as cold-hearted, sarcastic, misantrophic, etc though with poems, however rarely I write them (this is my 2nd one in like 3 years), I at least have an outlet to just "be"... Granted all my poems have the same bloody overarching topic since I only write because of that...

Anyways, I'll debut my 2nd poem here. I tried to make the topic ambigious as it could theoretically refer to anything, though I'm sure some things will stick out over others. I actually wrote it about/for a friend, to make fun of a situation he's in with his best friend (he says he has no interest in her, but I tease him anyway), though while reading it, I thought it could mean other things...

A Realization (Working Title)

It was an unexpected realization,
I've always looked at you with much affection,
But now that you're not in my possession,
You became my one and only obesession...

At first you were just another,
I couldn't tell you apart,
Now I can't stand when we're not together,
You're very dear to my heart...

And though I will always deny it,
I could not help but stare,
Past or present, it does not fit,
Even the stars, they can't compare...

So Isn't it a pity,
Time limits my ability to observe,
So isn't it a pity,
I can't give you what you deserve...

And when the leaves fall and the seasons pass,
I know it's not the end,
If in another you find greener grass,
You'll always be my friend.
Soweneul Malhaebwa (Tell me your wish).
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Re: Post your poetry

Unread postby Liu Yuante » Sun Jan 31, 2010 6:43 am

So, what appears below is an unfinished poem. I'm writing a poetry cycle right now and have four of what I consider finished poems - but this isn't one of them. I'm not sure yet how much of it will be kept. The other day I was forced to realize that the first poem in the cycle just flat-out didn't work and so it got deleted. But anyway, I thought it might be of interest.

I stand outside,
it is clear and cold,
tiny flakes of snow fall weakly
at the mercy
of the wind, the deep
sky above me filled
with lights like
a black sheet of paper pricked
with pins and then backlit,
I think again of you, this time
as I had six shots of vodka inside
me, writing of feelings
you were kind enough to pretend to ignore,
so many moments forgotten
remembered, I've been
mining these daydreams
as if they were a seam
of precious metal
and it's plain that understanding
will not come in this way,
some new perspective must
arrive, I
grow unsteady, out of phase,
dizziness descends like
the sudden realization of drunkenness
in the midst of a binge,
I can feel myself moving
up into the depths, the cold
air streaks past,
there is more to know
than this one soul I've wrestled
with for so long
in my head, looking down
the city is squares and circles
of light-studded shapes
cut from darkness.


I'm not exactly sure where it's going from there. In case anyone cares, or just feels like indulging me the exposition, this poem used to be part of another poem, the one preceding it in my cycle. It really didn't work and was mostly crappy. What I wanted to say got said but how I said it was....unsatisfactory. So, I began re-working it, excising large sections and rewriting others, and there were a pair of 3 or 4 line chunks that didn't fit in the new version but that I liked as images, and so what was once one big poem, got split and those two pairs of 4-line sections got turned into this poem instead.

Anyway, /end self-important blathering.

Adrian
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Re: Post your poetry

Unread postby Shritzu » Sun Apr 18, 2010 7:04 am

Dusk is unvieled
and the trinity, complete.
Like a cerebros whose coming ruptures the hymen of night.
It rises,begrimed and black
freed to hunt tender prey

and, when the waning light has fled in the horror before us
and our desire is upon thee
welcome slavery well...
or so they say...
Bleh
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Re: Post your poetry

Unread postby GuoBia » Sun Apr 25, 2010 7:59 pm

That's strange.
I can hear the train from my house
But we don't live near the tracks.
Guo run! Guo run!!!!
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Re: Post your poetry

Unread postby Shritzu » Mon Apr 26, 2010 5:55 pm

Trains are a remainder of waiting 30 minutes in my car...
Bleh
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Re: Post your poetry

Unread postby GuoBia » Fri Apr 30, 2010 5:53 pm

Hey, that poem was NOT about trains! XD
Guo run! Guo run!!!!
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Re: Post your poetry

Unread postby Shritzu » Fri Apr 30, 2010 6:04 pm

Sorry.....care to interpret?
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