Fate of a Rebel/Parody of the Three Kingdoms

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Unread postby Taishi Ci 2.0 » Tue Nov 20, 2007 1:20 pm

Fate of a Rebel: Part 25
Nan Yang Part 2

On the last season of Fate of a Rebel...

Image Genghis Khan: My warriors! It has taken us many years, but we have finally united our homeland under one banner! And with our new might, we have easily captured the Great Wall!

Image Mongol Hordes: Yeah!!

Image Genghis Khan: Now that we have come this far, nothing can stop us from conquering the Han!

Suddenly a large army runs by in the distance...

Image Yuan Shao: Don't worry, Yuan Shu, we're coming!

ImageImageImage Advisors: Wait for us, my lord!

They trail off into the distance...

Image Mongol Hordes: ...

Image Genghis Khan: On second thought, we shall not invade the Han. It is a silly place.

Back at Nan Yang...

Image Rebel Force: ...So if you go in there, you should find the Imperial Seal. Now I'm going on break, so don't bother me.

Image Song Ren: Well, that was easy enough. Let's take the damn thing and get out of here.

Image Song Yong: I still think there could be a trap in there.

Image Song Ren: Okay, then you can go in first, and if there's a trap you'll be the one who gets hurt.

Image Song Yong: Oh, I get it. Since I'm the stronger one, whatever it is won't hurt me as much, right?

Image Song Ren: Whatever you have to tell yourself.

They enter the room. The Imperial Seal is lying in the corner.

Image Song Ren: It's like he's not even trying. Just have to walk in and go.

Image Song Yong: Well um, he might have some complex laser pattern crisscrossing the floor and a pressure control on the seal--

Image Song Ren: That's enough anachronisms for one episode. Just go get it and we'll get out of here.

Image Song Yong: Fine... Hey, this is lighter than I thought.

Image Song Ren: Maybe it's really made out of chocolate.

Image Song Yong: Oh come on, Bro, no one's stupid enough to try something like that.

Image Jia Xu: Actually, I wouldn't put it past Yuan Shu. He seems to do a lot of stupid things.

Image Song Ren: Could you people not interrupt our conversations for once? Is it so hard to introduce yourself?

Image Jia Xu: I don't see why I should. You're the intruders around here. In fact, I can see you're about to run off with Yuan Shu's Imperial Seal.

Image Song Yong: And who might you be, an advisor of Yuan Shu's?

Image Jia Xu: My name is Jia Xu. I used to work for Dong Zhuo too, but after Liu Bei's army defeated him I came here to try for a rematch.

Image Song Ren: Yeah, I can see how that plan turned out. Although, that doesn't explain why you're running around with what looks like an obscenely-large bag of powder.

Image Song Yong: I bet he's going to use it for some super-secret plan to defeat us!

Image Jia Xu: Actually, I stole it from Yuan Shu and I was looking for a good place to hide it. But since you guys have shown up, I have a better idea.

Image Song Ren: And what might that be?

Image Jia Xu: If you give me back the Imperial Seal, I'll let you escape with this oversized powder bag. How about it?

Image Song Yong: Couldn't we just beat you up and take both? I mean, who's going to help you fight us?

Image Song Ren: We could do that... But I never did like this whole plan in the first place, and this is a good chance to spite Huo Hu. So we'll take it.

Image Jia Xu: Right, that was easy. Here you go.

They trade the goods.

Image Song Yong: Are you sure this is a good idea, Song Ren?

Image Song Ren: Trade a worthless hunk of jade for a year's worth of powder? Why yes, I think this is an excellent idea. Now let's get out of here.

Image Song Yong: Righto!

The Song Bros. run back outside.

Image Rebel Force: Do you really have the authority to make a deal with the enemy like that?

Image Jia Xu: Did you have the authority to let them in?

Image Rebel Force: Sorry, I can't hear you. I'm on break.

Image Jia Xu: This kingdom makes no sense at all. And since I have the seal now, I guess it's time for me to make my escape. Exit, stage left!

Meanwhile, outside the castle...

Image Huo Hu: Okay, we're about to begin the attack. Zhang Fei, I want you to go around the back and wait there in case Yuan Shu's army tries to escape. Guan Yu, you'll lead the main force to the front to begin the assault.

Image Lu Bu: And me?

Image Huo Hu: Your job will be to watch the Emperor to make sure he's safe.

Image Zhang Fei: It doesn't strike you as a bad idea to ensure the safety of the Son of Heaven with the Han's least loyal man?

Image Huo Hu: Nonsense. What could go wrong?

Image Lu Bu: I could betray you. It's in the job description.

ImageImageImage The Others: ...

Image Lu Bu: Not that I would, mind you. Nope. Not gonna happen.

Image Huo Hu: Well, that reassures me. Now let's go.

Emperor: Uh, guys? Don't I get a say in any of this?

Image Huo Hu: No.

Emperor: Just checking.

Sometime later, on the castle ramparts...

Image Yuan Shu: Are we all ready to attack?

Image Lu Fan: I don't believe Jia Xu is here.

Image Yuan Shu: Well forget him! Those Liu Bei bastards stole my powder and I'm going to get it back!

Image Yuan Yin: Weren't we supposed to wait for Yuan Shao's reinforcements to get here first?

Image Yuan Shu: Don't worry, we can take them. I mean, how tough can they be?

Image Yuan Yin: I'm sure the Yellow Turbans and Dong Zhuo thought the same thing.

Image Yuan Shu: Well you know what they say, third time's the charm and all.

Image Yuan Yin: That's pretty lousy logic.

Image Lu Fan: Sir, it looks like one of the enemy officers is trying to get your attention.

Image Yuan Shu: Oh really? What do those peons want from me?

Image Lu Bu: The Emperor of the Han would like to give a brief speech to persuade you to surrender.

Emperor: Right, um... "When in the course of human events it becomes necessary to, uh... form a more perfect union, we do ordain that, er... we hold these truths to be self-evident... and to the dictatorship for which it stands... til death do us part. Also, Yuan Shu is mean."

Image Huo Hu: I wrote that speech myself, you know.

Image Guan Yu: Yes, I think I can tell.

Image Lu Bu: Do you have a response?

Image Yuan Shu: Yes, I have a response! "I, Lord Yuan Shu, will knock you all down!" Men, let's get them! We will get back the powder which was wrongfully stolen from us!

Image Huo Hu: What's he talking about powder?

Image Lu Bu: Who cares? It's time to fight!

Somewhere nearby...

Image Song Ren: Why does this powder have to be so damn heavy?

Image Song Yong: You shouldn't complain. I told you the Seal was lighter, but did you listen to me?

Image Song Ren: How often does anyone listen to you?

Image Song Yong: Well, you don't have to be mean about it... Hey, what's that sound?

Image Song Ren: Hmm? ...Seems like the fighting's started.

Image Song Yong: The big battle! Song Ren, you know what we must--

Image Song Ren: No. No no no. We're not doing it.

Image Song Yong: But this is one of those time where we have to use our powers! They'll lose otherwise!

Image Song Ren: That's not a good enough reason for me.

Image Song Yong: You know, if we transform, I bet you could carry that powder bag more easily.

Image Song Ren: Oh, fine... But I know I'm going to regret this tomorrow.

ImageImage Song Brothers: Wonder Song Powers, Activate!

A couple of minutes later...

ImageImage Lu Fan & Yuan Yin: *dead*

Image Guan Yu: You know, that was easier than I thought it would be.

Image Lu Bu: Maybe because I was helping you this time?

Image Guan Yu: I'm willing to mark it down to pure dumb luck.

Image Lu Bu: I hate you guys.

Image Yuan Shu: You are very strong. But when strength fails, running is a good strategy. Goodbye, Guan Yu! *flees*

Image Guan Yu: Shouldn't we try to stop him?

Image Huo Hu: Don't worry, I'm sure Zhang Fei will manage to--

Image Xiahou Mao: Here I come to save the day

Image Lu Bu: Who the hell are you supposed to be!?

Image Xiahou Mao: Huh? Where's the battle?

Image Guan Yu: We kinda already won...

Xiahou Mao transforms back into the Song brothers.

Image Song Yong: Aww...

Image Song Ren: At least I didn't have to do any work this time.

Image Lu Bu: You guys can do that...? This opens up a lot more questions than it answers.

Image Huo Hu: Save the exposition for another time. The only question I want to know is what's in the giant bag you've got there.

Image Song Ren: Pure happiness.

Image Song Yong: Actually, it's the enemy's stash of powder.

Image Song Ren: That's what I said.

Image Guan Yu: So it was you guys who stole the powder... I guess what Yuan Shu said made sense after all.

Image Huo Hu: Okay, so you raided the powder stores. But did you get the Imperial Seal while you were in there?

Image Song Yong: Well, you see...

Image Song Ren: It's like a cereal box. You have to dig down into the bottom of the bag to find the seal.

ImageImageImage Huo Hu, Guan Yu, & Lu Bu: ...

Image Song Ren: Also it's made of chocolate.

Image Huo Hu: You didn't get the Seal, did you?

Image Song Yong: No we did not.

Image Guan Yu: You guys are the worst thieves ever.

Image Song Ren: You're too kind.

Image Huo Hu: Well as long as you share some of that powder, I guess we'll let you off. Now let's go see how Zhang Fei's doing.

Around the back of the castle...

Image Yuan Shu: Ha, those fools think they've defeated me! But even if I've lost the castle, I can still get Yuan Shao's army to demolish them! I'm off to--

Image Zhang Fei: Sorry, you're not going anywhere.

Image Yuan Shu: Where do you people come from? I am the Emperor, you hear me? Let me go!

Image Taishi Ci 2.0: Would Zhang Fei finish off Yuan Shu? Or would he release the pretender so that he can appear in later episodes? Tune in next time for... Fate of a Rebel!

more to come...


Disgruntled Readers: Hey you slacker, where have you been for the last month and a half?

Image Taishi Ci 2.0: Well you see, the network execs had me working on some new spinoff show they had planned for Huo Hu...

Huo Hu in the 2.5th Century!!!!
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Unread postby Taishi Ci 2.0 » Tue Nov 20, 2007 1:25 pm

In the real game, you can choose to either spare Yuan Shu at Nan Yang or execute him. So I decided, one man can't make this call alone! Readers, check the first post for the poll and decide for yourself whether Yuan Shu should live or die!

And, uh... sorry for the laziness.
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Unread postby James » Tue Nov 20, 2007 11:03 pm


Thanks for the update! I missed this. :)

Yuan Shu’s got to slip past somehow—perhaps due to the Song Brothers messing things up, or something. *Votes* :P
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Unread postby Perhong_Angtong » Sun Nov 25, 2007 12:21 am

Whoa! This is nice! I was wondering about that last image with the screwed up DOAE world. What is it?
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Unread postby Lordyuanshu » Sun Nov 25, 2007 1:00 am

Spare him!!!!

Yes thank you for updating, that one was good.
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Unread postby Lady Wu » Sun Nov 25, 2007 7:31 am

I vote execute him.

But I wouldn't object if he weasels out of the execution somehow.
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Unread postby Foif » Sun Nov 25, 2007 6:09 pm

Spare Him!
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Unread postby Ricky » Fri Nov 30, 2007 1:24 am

Yet another great episode! I died of laughter with the mongols, Huo Hu's speech, and Song Ren. Hilarious. Spare him!!!!!! He brings character with a new powder!
First upload.
All hail to the lord!

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Unread postby Paler than Moon » Fri Dec 28, 2007 1:13 pm

Aww I love this series so much and yet it's not being continued? Ah well, I already saved everything on my PC Mwahahaha :3 *cute evil laughter*
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Unread postby James » Fri Dec 28, 2007 8:51 pm

I’ve been harassing Taishi Ci 2.0. :twisted:
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