Fate of a Rebel/Parody of the Three Kingdoms

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Unread postby Lord Lu Xun » Sun Mar 09, 2008 10:13 am

Great work!

When is the next one?
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Unread postby Taishi Ci 2.0 » Sun Mar 16, 2008 3:02 am

It's today, that's when.

Fate of a Rebel: Part 26
---

At Jizhou...

Image Yuan Shao: Ah, it's good to be home again. I had to waste all that time marching for nothing.

Image Yuan Shu: Hey, you've got me, don't you?

Image Yuan Shao: I consider you less than nothing.

Image Yuan Shu: How dare you! I am the great Lord Yuan Shu!

Image Yuan Shao: Look, you're in my domain now, so shut your mouth and go to your room.

Image Yuan Shu: Bah, I'll get you for this. Just you wait...

Image Yuan Shao: Sigh... I need something to eat. One of you fetch me a spoon.

Image Guo Tu: As you wish, sir. Here you go.

Image Yuan Shao: Thanks... Hey, didn't I order you executed?

Image Guo Tu: Yes. Yes you did.

Image Yuan Shao: ...

Image Guo Tu: ...

Image Yuan Shao: Remind me to fire my executioners. In the meantime, someone get me some cereal.

Image Ju Shou: I'm afraid we're out of cereal, sir.

Image Yuan Shao: What!? How could we have run out already?

Image Shen Pei: I'm afraid that while you were out with the army, Yuan Shang ate all the cereal.

Image Yuan Shang: It's not my fault you never have anything else to eat. I was hungry.

Image Yuan Shao: My culinary selections are none of your business! Now get out of here, and don't come back until you get some more cereal! Preferably Corn Pops.

Image Yuan Shang: What are Corn Pops?

Image Yuan Shao: Just go!

Image Yuan Shang: Fine, fine...

Image Yuan Shao: What a day. At least things can't get any worse.

Meanwhile, back at Nan Yang...

Image Liu Bei: So I want you to invade Yuan Shao's land now.

Image Wang Gui: Another invasion? I say, this story needs new writers.

Image Guan Ping: It does seem like we're just doing the same thing over and over again, doesn't it?

Image Liu Bei: Hush. For once, I want to be the invading conquerer. Besides, Yuan Shu still has the Imperial Seal, which is rapidly becoming the MacGuffin of this story, and we need to get it back.

Image Guan Yu: How do you propose we attack Yuan Shao? Isn't he even stronger than the foes we've faced thus far?

Image Liu Bei: That's right. Yuan Shao's army has unparalled strength, plus we lost Lu Bu. A frontal assault would be suicide.

Image Song Yong: What about that army I single-handidly held back the other day?

Image Song Ren: I'm still convinced you're making that up.

Image Song Yong: I'm telling the truth! I even have the battle scars to prove it!

Image Liu Bei: Song Yong, stop making things up or I'm doing to dock your pay.

Image Huo Hu: You pay us?

Image Liu Bei: Let's not get off topic. The important thing, I've contacted a man on the inside to help with your invasion of Yuan Shao's land. He knows the secret to defeating Yuan Shao. You're supposed to meet with him in a cave to the north of here.

Image Song Ren: Does secret agent man have a name?

Image Liu Bei: He didn't say what his name was, but I'm sure you'll be able to find him. I mean, how many people do you know that hang out in caves?

Image Liu Feng: What about those two?

ImageImage Guan Ping & Yang Jin: What?

Image Liu Bei: Quit making excuses and move out! No more slacking off.

Image Zhang Fei: ...

Image Liu Bei: And for Heaven's sake, someone get Zhang Fei to snap out of it.

Later, in the frigid northlands of Yuan Shao's domain...

Image Guan Yu: So, who wants to look for this cave we need to find?

Image Liu Feng: Count me out. I'm no spelunker.

Image Huo Hu: Why don't we just make Song Yong do it? He seems like the best candidate.

Image Song Ren: I wouldn't trust Song Yong to handle a mission of this importance, though. Or any mission.

Image Song Yong: Well then, let's both go! I bet I can find this guy pretty quick.

Image Guan Yu: Fine, we'll send you two while the rest of us set up a camp for the next invasion. No sense in sending everyone.

Image Song Ren: Bah, what a chore. Oh well, at least it's just a cave.

Image Yang Jin: D'arr, I'll be going with ye too, lads! There's no pirate that knows a cave like me!

Image Zhang Fei: It might help if you just stopped talking.

Image Song Ren: ...

Inside the hole in the earth...

Image Yang Jin: I wonder why this landlubber wants to parley inside a cave? Methinks he must be a man of low morals!

Image Song Yong: Or maybe he's a famous person who's hiding from a jilted lover!

Image Song Ren: It's like a bad dream I can't escape from.

Image Yang Jin: Halt! There be two paths up ahead... Which way should we venture?

Image Song Ren: How about this? I'll go left, and Song Yong, you go straight.

Image Song Yong: Can do!

Image Yang Jin: And me?

Image Song Ren: See if you can get lost.

Image Yang Jin: A good joke, matey! A pirate such as me can never get lost in a mere cave.

Image Song Ren: I can dream, can't I?

The group splits in half...

Image Song Yong: Hmm, I wonder if our guy is down this way...

Bump!

Image Song Yong: What was that? Someone down there? Hello?

Image Li Ru: Hmm, what? Who are you?

Image Song Yong: Hey, I know you! You're Li Ru, from Dong Zhuo's force, right? What are you doing in here?

Image Li Ru: I've been on the run for a while. This crazy guy's been tailing me for some reason, and I'm trying to hide. I figured this'd be a good place to hide, right?

Image Song Yong: Makes sense, I suppose.

Image Li Ru: But there was a cave-in in here the other day, which blocked off part of the cave. I've been wandering around in the dark for a while...

Image Song Yong: I don't suppose you're the guy I'm looking for? The spy I'm supposed to meet?

Image Li Ru: I don't know what you're talking about, but there was another guy I saw in here before that cave-in. Try talking to him.

Image Song Yong: Alright, see you later!

Meanwhile...

Image Song Ren: Walking around in yet another cave. I need to take a vacation after this one... Now, where is this guy?

Image Mystery Man: Hey, you there! What are you doing in here?

Image Song Ren: What? Oh, you must be the guy I'm looking for.

Image Mystery Man: "Guy you're looking for"? What are you talking about?

Image Song Ren: Are you the spy I'm supposed to meet?

Image Mystery Man: Spy? I'm just a... Actually, yes, that's right. I'm the spy.

Image Song Ren: You don't exactly look like a spy.

Image Mystery Man: Yeah, well, how many spies have you met before, kid?

Image Song Ren: Sure, whatever. Now, what's the big secret to defeating Yuan Shao?

Image Mystery Man: Beat Yuan Shao, eh? Well... It's not going to be easy. If you want to pull it off, I'm going to need lots of gold and, er... what's this sheet say... "powder" to help you do it.

Image Song Ren: This sounds like a pretty shady deal. And what's with that paper?

Image Mystery Man: Shady deals is how we do, kid. The paper helps me remember what I need for the, er, big plan. If you want my help, you better go get the goods.

Image Song Ren: Fine, fine. As long as I can get out of this cave. I'll be back.

Song Ren leaves back towards the exit.

Image Mystery Man: Not the sharpest knife in the set, is he? Heh, I don't even have to rob anyone this time. Just gotta sit tight and wait for him to come back with the stuff.

Near the exit...

Image Song Yong: Oh, Bro, you're back. Did you find the spy?

Image Song Ren: More or less. We're going to need to get some more powder for this one.

Image Song Yong: You know, doesn't it seem like powder is the answer to a lot of our problems?

Image Song Ren: I'm willing to mark that down as a coincidence. By the way, where did Yang Jin go?

Image Song Yong: I don't know, he was here just a second ago...

Image Li Ru: OH HEAVEN IT'S HIM AGAIN! RUN AWAY!!! *zoom*

ImageImage Song Ren & Song Yong: ...

Image Yang Jin: Would ye believe it, mates? I found me old Hide & Seek partner in this cave! What be the odds of that, eh?

Image Song Ren: Let's get out of here. I have the urge to go kill something.

more to come... no really, I swear...

---

Emperor: Dear Cao Cao, please come and rescue me from Liu Bei. I know I said some bad things about you, but Liu Bei is much worse. He always neglects me, half the time he forgets who I am, and I never get the respect I as Emperor deserve. The worst part is when he forces me to watch old Sailor Moon episodes with him.

Image Liu Bei: Emperor, get in here! You're missing the transformation sequence!

Emperor: I have to go. Love, Xian.
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Unread postby Lordyuanshu » Sun Mar 16, 2008 3:20 am

Taishi Ci 2.0 wrote:

Image Song Ren: See if you can get lost.

Image Yang Jin: A good joke, matey! A pirate such as me can never get lost in a mere cave.

Image Song Ren: I can dream, can't I?


Song Ren is definitely the witty one.

Good update, Yuan Shao's territory is going to be exciting I can tell.
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Unread postby James » Sun Mar 16, 2008 3:23 am

Bwahaha!

How can so much funny be packed in such a small package? And that isn't even factoring in the plethora of inside jokes. Ah, what a wonderful creation this is, Taishi Ci 2.0. You simply must grace us with updates more often.
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Unread postby Taishi Ci 2.0 » Sun Mar 16, 2008 4:09 am

I'll try and work on this more, but it seems like I always miss my deadlines... I just tend to be focused on other things these days, I guess. I'll make the next one sooner than two months, at least.
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Unread postby Lord Chuff » Sun Apr 06, 2008 8:06 am

I've been away for a few months so I've only just read the last few parts... Great work! Reading these always brings out a good laugh.. :lol: Looking forward to the next update...
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Unread postby Paler than Moon » Wed Apr 16, 2008 7:44 pm

Hahah finally an update!

Wang Gui: Another invasion? I say, this story needs new writers.

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Fate of a Rebel/Parody of the Three Kingdoms

Unread postby Taishi Ci 2.0 » Tue May 27, 2008 3:28 am

Taishi Ci 2.0 wrote:I'll make the next one sooner than two months, at least.


I lied! :huohu:

Fate of a Rebel: Part 27
---

Somewhere over the rainbow... I mean, Nanyang...

Image Jia Xu: Hmm, I guess things have died down a little. Time to make my escape with the Imperial Seal. I just hope the rightful owner doesn't show up to take it from me.

Image Emperor Xian: Hi.

Image Jia Xu: I said the rightful owner. Also, when did you get an avatar?

Image Emperor Xian: It's a rental. Now, where are you going with my Imperial Seal?

Image Jia Xu: Dong Zhuo failed and Yuan Shu was an idiot. I think the next guy on my list is Zhang Xiu.

Image Emperor Xian: He's not in this game. In fact, Liu Biao isn't even part of this story.

Image Liu Biao: I got assigned to deciding new Dynasty Warriors characters.

Image Hu Che Er: Oooh, baozi!

Image Wang Shuang: Where? I can't see! Must... have... baozi!

Image Liu Biao: I hate this job.

Image Jia Xu: Oh. Well then, I guess I'll serve Cao Cao.

Image Emperor Xian: Good, you can take me with you. I have to get out of here, Liu Bei's army is crazy.

Image Jia Xu: You don't say. Well, whatever, come along if you want. I have nothing better to do.

Image Emperor Xian: Are we going to have lots of zany adventures together on this long journey home? And can I have my Seal back now?

Image Jia Xu: Since when does anything zany happen around here? And no.

Somewhere in the frigid slightly-more-northlands...

Image Song Ren: So guys, we're going to need some money and powder. Lots of powder.

Image Zhang Fei: For the spy, right?

Image Song Ren: In this specific case, yes.

Image Song Yong: It must be part of his secret plan for attacking the city!

Image Huo Hu: Well I certainly hope that he has a good plan then, because I would rather not attack the front door like we've been doing over and over.

Image Wang Gui: Maybe we could use the backdoor?

Image Guan Ping: Castles don't have backdoors.

Image Song Yong: What about that one castle back in Part 5?

Image Huo Hu: Shut up. Look, we're fresh out of powder and Liu Bei took that bag that you two had before. Let's just think of something else.

Image Chen Deng: You ever feel like we're the third wheel in these discussions?

Image Mi Zhe: Now that you mention it, yes. Let's go do something else, like shop for supplies.

Image Chen Deng: Yeah, I could use a new hat.

At a store nearby...

Image Shen Pei: What do you mean you don't sell Corn Pops?!

Image Shui Jing: Sir, we have plenty of other breakfast cereals here.

Image Shen Pei: Lord Yuan Shao will have my head if I don't bring back some Corn Pops! You've got to have something. Work with me here.

Image Shui Jing: Perhaps I can interest you in some Corn Flakes instead?

Image Shen Pei: That's a nightmare I'd rather not repeat.

Image Gao Lan: Maybe we could just raid his store and sell his stuff for money?

Image Zhao Yun: I call dibs on the conditioner!

Image Shen Pei: Why exactly did I agree to bring you?

Image Zhao Yun: You kidnapped my sister and forced me into servitude. The least you could do is let me look great.

Image Lu Guang: Try not to break a nail, princess.

Image Shen Pei: Let's just leave, I don't have time to waste.

Image Shui Jing: Well, I guess you just can't please some people.

Image Perky Girl: Don't worry, boss, it's, like, some people just, like, walk out on you, you know?

Image Shui Jing: Sigh...

Image Mi Zhe: This certainly looks like a reputable business.

Image Perky Girl: Oh, like, hi! Welcome to Shui Jing's Black Powder Emporium!

Image Chen Deng: Shui Jing? I thought you were that guy who lived in Yuan Shu's place.

Image Shui Jing: Yes, well, I figured if I'm going to number-crunch, I might as well make some money doing it!

Image Perky Girl: And I'm, like, his super useful greeter girl!

Image Mi Zhe: Sounds like an easy job.

Image Shui Jing: Better than yours, that's for sure. By the way, I've got something special for you fellows.

Image Chen Deng: For us?

Image Shui Jing: Yeah, have some of this Black Powder. Consider it a free sample.

Image Mi Zhe: I hope you don't expect us to use it the same way as normal powder.

Image Perky Girl: No, you just light it up and it, like, explodes into a fiery fireball! Explosively passionate! Just like my last relationship.

Image Chen Deng: ...Okay then. I'm sure we'll find some use for this.

Image Perky Girl: By the way, you guys haven't, like, seen my boyfriend around here, have you? He's like, all smart and stuff.

Image Mi Zhe: Very descriptive. We'll keep an eye out.

Image Shui Jing: Now, how about actually buying something?

Image Chen Deng: Got any hats?

Image Shui Jing: Hats? What am I, Wal-Mart? Get out of here.

Later, inside the cave...

Image Mystery Man: So this is the "powder", huh? Looks kinda rough.

Image Song Ren: It's a new flavor.

Image Mystery Man: Whatever. And where's the gold?

Image Huo Hu: The powder is your advance. We'll give you the gold once you help us capture the city.

Image Song Yong: Here, let me light that powder for you.

Image Mystery Man: Somehow that doesn't seem like a good--

BOOOOOM

Image Mystery Man: Ow. I think I'm dying.

Image Huo Hu: Song Yong, you just killed the spy, didn't you?

Image Song Ren: Along with about half that cave wall. And yet Song Yong himself seems uninjured.

Image Song Yong: Should I upgrade myself to Song Yong the Invincible?

Image Huo Hu: Song Yong the Dumbass, maybe. Now how are we going to capture the city?

Image Xu Zhe: Maybe I can help with that.

Image Song Ren: I have to wonder how you managed to come out of nowhere when we're inside a cave.

Image Xu Zhe: Actually, I was trapped behind that wall that your friend there blew up.

Image Huo Hu: And just who might you be?

Image Xu Zhe: Call me Ishmael... I mean, Dan Fu. I'm the spy Liu Bei hired to help you conquer Yuan Shao's lands. Although, I got a little lost.

Image Song Yong: Hey, looks like I did the right thing after all. Isn't it great how everything turns out right in the end?

Image Mystery Man: Why aren't you people helping me?!

more to come... maybe

---

Image Perky Girl: Ugh, like, I can't stand, like, waiting around anymore! I'm going to, like, find my boyfriend! Xu Zhe, here I come!

Image Shui Jing: Oh dear, my greeter girl seems to have abandoned her post. Now where will I find someone who has nothing better to do than stand around all day greeting customers with a smile?

Image Zhang Zhao: Do you have senior discounts?

Image Shui Jing: You're hired.
"You have attacked us before, and we survived! You cannot defeat us. Submit!"
"We have. You did. We can. No."
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Re: Fate of a Rebel/Parody of the Three Kingdoms

Unread postby James » Tue May 27, 2008 4:12 am

Haha... another excellent episode, as usual. I love what you did with Xu Zhe, his girlfriend, and Zhou Cang. And Emperor Xian seems to have actually recovered a smidge of dignity. I guess we'll have to find out if Cao Cao watches Sailor Moon. :lol:

Now, you should go right on to making another episode so we can double our fix!
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Re: Fate of a Rebel/Parody of the Three Kingdoms

Unread postby Ricky » Thu Jun 19, 2008 4:37 am

Ah I just read everything I missed. Haha, it always gets better and better. I just love reading these, always makes my day.
''I call dibs on the conditioner!''
First upload.
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