Ezekiel's Poetry

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Unread postby Kristina » Tue Jan 17, 2006 7:21 pm

Trifle wrote:how long have you beenw writing i'm not to good but i see that you have alot to learn and that is rather good for your first i'm looking forward to seeing more



sorry trif, but i see nothing to learn. the first is the best, so far, at least in my opinion. its very truthful, esp. the first part about tragedy and love...........good job, but i cant imagine you caring about everyones opinions.......which is a goood thing.


oh--i like the fact that you take the time to punctuate and spell things properly. i know i dont, along with the other 99.9% of sosz
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Unread postby Jason » Sat May 12, 2007 12:03 am

After being pestered, I decided to show another one. I keep them hidden. Hidden in plain view I guess, but I don't show many people. I hate criticism, but could really care less. I wrote these years ago, and they suck.


I call out my own name
Can you tell me how this happened?
When did I become so low
And it all feels like pain
In my heart it’s stabbing
Memories of someone better that you’ll never know
I just want it to simply end
All the pieces unshattered
As soon as my eyes close
Why it happened I can’t explain
My spirit is becoming so tattered
Every day just feels the same

And when you call out my name
I won’t be able to tell you how it happened
You’ll never find out I died slow
And a smile you must maintain
Just pretend this ain’t happening
Look away like I’m someone you don't know
And now I finally have my end
A place where nothing ever mattered
And it’s residents won’t suppose
That the blood came from my vein
Landed on a puzzle of glass so shattered
That spells out my name
“I always wonder why birds choose to stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth, then I ask myself the same question.”

― Harun Yahya
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Unread postby Kristina » Sat May 12, 2007 12:27 am

see below
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Unread postby Kristina » Sat May 12, 2007 1:12 am

Sorry for pestering you. . .But you're a great writer. Trash tis not.


Unless you stop doubting the greatness of these, I'll put "hellz to the yeah" in every post or message I send you. . .


you could always ignore me. . .but still. . .I dont think you would!


Mebbe Mitsunari will help ya see how good these really are. . .Esp the Dec. one.

:arrow: And as to this one. . .



I like it, and I like the theme to it, the general questioning and pondering. You've expressed that . . hmm. . .iunno the word to describe the tone, because there's more than one thing I'm getting from it. . whatever it is, its good. really good.

I've read better by you though.

I suck at these. .But I'm trying!

What I like the most is the second stanza. I really like the ending of it, because thats something most poeple wouldnt think about. ya know?

*cough cough* pesters for more *cough*
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Unread postby Mitsunari » Sat May 12, 2007 2:20 pm

Firstly, I'd like to cast my unworthy eye over the poem Kristina mentioned:

"Hollowed out footsteps tell a tale the best
Tracks crunched in the snow will help show you the rest
The colder the air the more bitter the bite
I'm in pleasant company when there's no ones in sight
And the dead air nips, and I know how it stings
But this void's the only way to wrap my mind around things
I thank you, my only friend, December's cold weather
Your cold shoulder helps me to keep it together
There's an akward comfort in always being alone
Whispered to me are floorbaords as they creak and moan
So now I'll settle into the vast and growing silence
My only comfort is knowing the coldest footsteps are behind us"

Superlatives fail me whilst trying to appraise this piece of heart-renting art, Ezekiel. You have a gift for vivid description; and an ability to draw the reader into your poignant style of writing.
The forlorn, almost pitiable way you manifest your deep desire for solitude ; the way you appear to yearn for the cold yet comforting embrace of this 'other place' that offers you succour - so delicately conveyed and so eloquently written.
Might I ask, what inspired this? :D
''Imperial Enforcer, Lord of the 'Cranky-moto' clan...Virtuous and Noble; ignore the scandalous lies...Wields the Indomitable 'Rake of Destiny', in honour, for the Emperor...Self-styled 'Vanquisher of Shed Windows', a truly mysterious title indeed.''
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Unread postby Jason » Mon Jun 11, 2007 3:35 am

It was inspired after my family was taken away. After my mom was arrested, and DYFS took away my little brother. One day, it was like 2 am, I just went for a walk in the snow. I dunno why, I still don't.


I just wrote this. I think it really sums up what depression is like to me.


It's cause you can't find yourself
Drown in modesty
You'll never live for yourself
Stand outside of harmony
And when all the rain falls
And you're standing, not believing
And after all the phone calls
It's an emptiness you're feeling
Hide between the blinds
And turn against the outside
Sit in corners, stay dry
Hold steadfast to smiles that hide
And when all the rain falls
You're having trouble breathing
And when you're tired of your walls
Not even seeing is believing.
“I always wonder why birds choose to stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth, then I ask myself the same question.”

― Harun Yahya
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Unread postby Mitsunari » Tue Jun 12, 2007 10:42 pm

Ezekiel wrote:It was inspired after my family was taken away. After my mom was arrested, and DYFS took away my little brother. One day, it was like 2 am, I just went for a walk in the snow. I dunno why, I still don't.


I just wrote this. I think it really sums up what depression is like to me.


It's cause you can't find yourself
Drown in modesty
You'll never live for yourself
Stand outside of harmony
And when all the rain falls
And you're standing, not believing
And after all the phone calls
It's an emptiness you're feeling
Hide between the blinds
And turn against the outside
Sit in corners, stay dry
Hold steadfast to smiles that hide
And when all the rain falls
You're having trouble breathing
And when you're tired of your walls
Not even seeing is believing.


Despite the solemn theme Zeke, this poem is both graceful and elegant. The flow and coherency are impeccable; beautifully crafted.
The deeper themes of the crushing loneliness and isolation that depression manifest really struck a chord, man. The 'lost' factor also hit home too. Depression really does make you feel lost and insular.

If you have more Zeke, I'm eager to see them. It's a privilege to read your poems. :D
''Imperial Enforcer, Lord of the 'Cranky-moto' clan...Virtuous and Noble; ignore the scandalous lies...Wields the Indomitable 'Rake of Destiny', in honour, for the Emperor...Self-styled 'Vanquisher of Shed Windows', a truly mysterious title indeed.''
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Unread postby RocketPower » Wed Jun 27, 2007 5:27 am

I can't add much to what others have already written, but keep it up! Your doing great work!
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Unread postby Jason » Fri Jul 13, 2007 6:34 am

Well....I found myself thinking about death. I was watchign Scrubs, and they had Brendan Fraser on it. he was Dr. Cox's brother in law, and he accidentally put a nail through his hand. It's weird, it seemed like th eonly eprson Dr. Cox really liked. So, they get it out, and patch him up, and they go out for drink's. JD (Zach Braff, main character) goes with them, and they are playing pool. They noticed his hand was still bleeding, and he was like "Yeah, I cut myself shavign recently. Blood wouldn't stop." Cox and JD looked a bit terrifed. As he said "When you're a Doctor, you don't miss a red flag." So they take him back to get tested th enext day. Ben (Fraser) is a big photography fan. Not of posed pictures, but spontaneous ones. he takes pictures throughout most of the show, and is a cheerful guy. JD gets the bloodwork, turns out he has leukemia. he goes to tell them, but decides it must be a mistake, and goes back. He finally gets the courage to get it rechecked. It was a mistake, and he's fine.

Ben asks him to take a picture of all of them. he does and then says "Wait, i thought you hated posed pictures. You said they weren't 'real.'" Ben says "They're not. None of this is real JD, you know that.."

And suddenly JD is back where he was, standing with the test results, waiting to tell him. Ben and Dr. Cox ask what it is, and JD says "You have leukemia."

I felt pretty upset, probably because I just get like that. I went to look up more stuff on youtube, and regretably watched a video fo the saddest moments. They showed a scene where they're all at a funeral, and Dr. Cox is a mess. Then you see it's Ben's funeral, he didn't live much long after. I realized I havent lost anyone in a while. As each day goes by, and with every person I meet, I'm getting closer to the next funeral. I realized that every good moment I share with someone in my life will just become something they cry over later on. And if it doesn't, then you're the one crying over it. The only way to avoid a lot of death in your life is dying yourself, but that just puts it all on your loved ones. I dunno....I felt trapped, and disturbed by the thought. So, it was suggested I just write it out.


The sun's up high
But the tone is low
It's a crowd of people
And the tempo's slow
What was life and joy
Has now gone astray
We know that each laugh
Has led us here today

On these tears, we sail through the night
Even a life of love isn't worth the fight
Now even the best memories don't feel right
The time has come, we've lost a life

The day's gone by fast
But your heart beats slow
There's no more people
But your emotions show
Old pictures and sounds
You see them passing by
The flowers drop like tears
you wish you've never cried

On these tears, we sail through the night
Even a life of love isn't worth the fight
Now even the best memories don't feel right
When will we next lose a life?


So, I don't even know if it's good. But it made me okay, so I guess it served it's purpose.
“I always wonder why birds choose to stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth, then I ask myself the same question.”

― Harun Yahya
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Re: Ezekiel's Poetry

Unread postby Jason » Mon Apr 20, 2009 2:42 am

Has it been 2 years? Jeez.

Bright days keep passing by
And I never stop to see
I guess I shouldn't keep my head in the sky
But it doesn't fit with the world
That's sinking under me

And I'm green with envy
At all the excited smiles
And how they make my heart heavy
But my body's grown too slow
To catch what's in front of me

I wish my mind was clear
But there's too much static sound
Remembering friends that are no longer near
But I can't remember their words
And they don't remember me

There's just too many things
Sent here to keep me down
I've forgotten the warmth and all the hope it brings
But I'll keep floating on
Just hoping to be lost at sea
“I always wonder why birds choose to stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth, then I ask myself the same question.”

― Harun Yahya
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