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Unread postby Rhiannon » Thu Feb 06, 2003 5:25 pm

Jonathan Wu wrote:I will try. Somehow I also feel bad for hating my dad like this..he had a rough childhood, and that messed him up too, so I don't know if I can blame him for treating me like he was treated..
*sigh* I could cry..but I have to be strong..


Jon, I'm in the same situation. Hang in there. I see myself lash out physicallly and verbally and it eats me alive. I also find myself unable to confront people that I percieve stronger than myself because I mentally react like I'm 8 years old again, sure they're going to rip me apart emotionally and verbally like my father did. It ends up providing an odd mix -- I can only be confrontational with those I see "weaker" than myself. I can hardly say hi to someone I feel as "stronger". I get terrified.

Personally, I chose to half-excuse and forgive my father's behavior (he also had a rough childhood). I understood his situation, but as I knew he recognized the wrong and CHOSE to CONTINUE it in his own family towards his own daughter and wife, I can't forgive that. He's an intelligent man and it's just one of his many poor choices in life.
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Unread postby Zhou Gongjin » Thu Feb 06, 2003 5:43 pm

Wild-Eyes wrote:I can only be confrontational with those I see "weaker" than myself. I can hardly say hi to someone I feel as "stronger". I get terrified.


Yeah..that's why at first I was afraid with forceful people..people like James (who say what they think) often scare me, and I tend to be quiet or nervous around them.
Sadly to say..I can totally understand what you just said..I have been struggling with it for about 2 years now..
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Unread postby Andrew J » Thu Feb 06, 2003 6:00 pm

Dude, I wish I could help, but I dont really have any experience in stuff like this. It really tears me up to see this happen to a friend. All I can say is that no matter what happens, you have all of us. We all care about each other. You always have us.

P.S Im also afraid of confrontion (Well, fighting. I always get hit for nothing.) I also dont like going out much, because im scared of people looking at me. I know it is irrelevant but I heard confrontation and thought of this.
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Unread postby CK » Thu Feb 06, 2003 6:45 pm

Jonathan Wu wrote:Yeah..that's why at first I was afraid with forceful people..people like James (who say what they think) often scare me, and I tend to be quiet or nervous around them.
Sadly to say..I can totally understand what you just said..I have been struggling with it for about 2 years now..


So you say I am a pushover? :evil:

Anyways, if he did not have a good daddy like you say, then all the more he does not know how to be a good daddy. In fact, he may think that he's much better than his daddy so its great you are understanding.

Hope you be a better daddy.
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Unread postby Rhiannon » Thu Feb 06, 2003 7:52 pm

Jonathan Wu wrote:Yeah..that's why at first I was afraid with forceful people..people like James (who say what they think) often scare me, and I tend to be quiet or nervous around them.
Sadly to say..I can totally understand what you just said..I have been struggling with it for about 2 years now..


Precisely. :cry: That's why I can't confront you openly, nor a number of other people. And I still take a lot of time to get the gall up to message James. In fact, I've been working up the gall all day to message him next time I see him. And I bet it'll still take me 10 minutes or more before I peep a "hi."

If you ever want to talk though, to someone who's gone through the same, I'm always open. Now that you've said this about yourself, I understand you much better. ^_^
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Unread postby Zhou Gongjin » Thu Feb 06, 2003 10:10 pm

Wild-Eyes wrote:
Precisely. :cry: That's why I can't confront you openly, nor a number of other people. And I still take a lot of time to get the gall up to message James. In fact, I've been working up the gall all day to message him next time I see him. And I bet it'll still take me 10 minutes or more before I peep a "hi."


Haha..sometimes when he is online I just keep myself from saying Hi or hello, instead I blur out something in Japanese that he doesn't understand, then he usually reacts and starts to talk. Funny since we've been friends for almost a year, and it still scares me..

Wild-Eyes wrote:If you ever want to talk though, to someone who's gone through the same, I'm always open. Now that you've said this about yourself, I understand you much better. ^_^


I'm sorry for being..unpleasant..at first, I really do not mean it on a personal level. Thank you for the offer to talk, but like James probably knows I am still scared shitless about talking with people about things that hurt me..I get anxiety attacks, start to shake, cry, muscles hurt..it's not something I want to go through voluntarily

madaboutck wrote:Hope you be a better daddy.


I hope so too my friend..I know you would make a good one..
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Unread postby Rhiannon » Thu Feb 06, 2003 11:16 pm

Jonathan Wu wrote:I'm sorry for being..unpleasant..at first, I really do not mean it on a personal level. Thank you for the offer to talk, but like James probably knows I am still scared shitless about talking with people about things that hurt me..I get anxiety attacks, start to shake, cry, muscles hurt..it's not something I want to go through voluntarily


I understand that entirely. Sometimes it's good to at least know that someone else here is going through the same things. And if not, well, at least I understand you better now, and have taken back my harsher personal judgements about you. ^_^ I hope we both find peace with the issue.
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Unread postby Andrew » Fri Feb 07, 2003 2:16 am

One of the things I like most at SOSZ is that pretty much everyone is older then me, this means most people have gone through it, I myself had a panic attack last year. Last year in about May myself and a few friends were going in the school talent show, it was the first time preforming in front of people, when they said my name I just froze with fear, I couldn't move, but after a minuite or two I did, because people depended on me.

Also about the hole Dad thing, I'm very lucky my Dad and I are perfect, we have no problems, anyway I was going to post a problem, but its probebly just a waste of space.
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Unread postby Rhiannon » Fri Feb 07, 2003 2:22 am

XiahouDun-22 wrote:Also about the hole Dad thing, I'm very lucky my Dad and I are perfect, we have no problems, anyway I was going to post a problem, but its probebly just a waste of space.


Naw, go ahead. We're here for each other. Besides, every problem unresolved is still a problem. Use the thread, we're listening.

And yes, you and your father are very lucky indeed. Cherish that relationship.
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Unread postby Jeanne D'Arc » Sat Feb 08, 2003 9:33 am

I have problems, If I could say it simply it would be:

Hi, My name is Himiko and I'm a forced workaholic with perfectionist parents and an incestive drug-addict cousin, I am constantly overworked both schoolwise and martial art wise.

And now I'll say it detailed like:

Like I said before, My Parent's are perfectionists, they are intent on making me the perfect martial artist, I have trained since I was 6 in Pi Qua Quan, Xinyi Liuhe Quan. I've been trained since I was 12 in Fencing, and since I was 13, various weapon training and Ninjitsu. I have won or gotten high or average places in National and Australasian Tournaments. And still my parent's push me to the limits, Today I've had 3 lessons, and did I mention I'm being forced to start Tai Chi next week? I love Martial Arts, I find it fun, but my parent's make it an occupation....Every lesson my Grandmother teaches get less enjoyable.....But untill I can beat my Mother and Father, I'm not allowed to stop training.

That's number one of my problems, Number 2, My Cousin. He's an incestive freak. One night I was having a shower, he was taking pictures of me, then Mother made me dust his room, and I found them, I confronted him about it, and he tried to kiss me, upon which I knocked him out with a vase. He is also a drug-addict, and I get forced by Grandfather to flush his drugs, which I do....then he confronts me, and I beat him off, My Cousin isn't exactly adept at martial arts. I should call the cops, but.....Mother and Father would be disgraced, and I'm pushed into a tight corner.....

Number 3 of my problems, Schoolwork. I receive good grades, A's to B+'s and again, I'm being forced to strive to get straight A+'s, same as Martial Arts, not really much else....

If anyone can give solutions to this problems, or give an easy way to relieve stress (ex. smoking,drugs...etc.) please tell me!!! Feel free to MSN me too...*sigh*
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