I'm fighting depression. Again.
Started with a girl I was talking to. A buddy of mine checked her Twitter feed and discovered she had been mocking me behind my back. Calling me scrawny, laughing at the possibility of us, as if a small dog had asked for her number.
I've been struggling with this for a long time. Ever since Middle School, when I was the loner, few friends, ignored, uncared for. It made me feel worthless, like I wasn't worthy of even a consideration. My learning disability and grade problems didn't help.
It improved in High School, I had a bit more confidence. Freshman year, got my first girlfriend, she was close to cheating on me when we broke up. Sophomore year, got my second. Treated her as well as I could, she cheated on me as well. Only a one-time occasion though, it still ended things. Never had a significant other since then. All that happened for me was rejection. I was never popular, never fit in with any circle. In a way, I loved that. I enjoyed being my own man, not conforming with another's wishes. But I also felt, and knew, I was being laughed at, being mocked by what felt like nearly the entire school. To them, I wasn't good enough.
That's what my depression stems from. Not good enough. I feel worthless, devoid of any good trait, feel awashed with criticism, and complaint. It's always there too. Every time I fight it down, it only retreats, not destroyed, only bruised.
"There's no one I'd rather be, than me" -Ralph