Problems? Need help or support? Let us offer it to you.

The place to hang out with your fellow scholars, have a drink, share a laugh and enjoy each other's company.

Re: Problems? Need help or support? Let us offer it to you

Unread postby Sun Fin » Wed Oct 16, 2013 10:37 pm

OK, so I guess if there is no way that you can raise the $3,000 then the next question should be what will you do next? What were your post-graduation plans (if you had any)? If so can you still do them minus your degree? If not what can you do instead? Can you work and earn enough to get back on your course next year?

I hope this is helpful, there's no point dwelling on what you can't do anything about, far better to move on to what you can do instead :).
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” ― Nelson Mandela
User avatar
Sun Fin
Scholar of Shen Zhou
 
Posts: 6657
Joined: Sat Nov 10, 2007 9:20 pm
Location: The birthplace of radio

Re: Problems? Need help or support? Let us offer it to you

Unread postby Aygor » Thu Nov 07, 2013 11:35 pm

It isn't actually a problem of mine, but I would love some advice, if any of you has any.

Last Saturday, a dear friend of mine had a party for his birthday in his house, to which I couldn't take part.
During the party another close friend of mine (we have been friends for most of our lives, have been scouts together and still have pizza/alcohol evenings at least once per month with another former scout friend), when they were both pretty drunk, took the phone of the party host and sent a text saying "please, FXXX me now" (he claims to have miswritten CALL as the two terms are a letter away in our language) to random numbers (including family and the president of the party man's university).
Long story short the reaction was wild, the offended took his own phone and smashed it on the ground heavily insulting the other guy and throwing him out of his house.

Almost a week passed, the guy has sent a letter to excuse himself (which he submitted to me before sending it) to no avail; I just went to a classical concert with the offended who said, after the incident was briefly brought up, "I don't wanna talk about that, what he did is extremely grave, I won't ever talk to him again".

I, as a close friend of both, can try anything at all to and reconcile them?
分久必合,合久必分
Ἀτύφως μὲν λαβεῖν, εὐλύτως δὲ ἀφεῖναι
User avatar
Aygor
Langzhong
 
Posts: 536
Joined: Fri Oct 28, 2011 5:09 pm

Re: Problems? Need help or support? Let us offer it to you

Unread postby SunXia » Thu Nov 07, 2013 11:44 pm

Well one, he shouldn't be excusing himself, he should be truly remorseful for what he has done, it was very wrong!! Even if he does apologize, it is up to the victim whether or not he wants to forgive him!! It is early days he could be still very angry and offended and hurt!! Even if you feel they should both reconcile, it is not up to you on this matter so you shouldn't continue o bring it up to the offended as it will only irritate him especially if he makes it clear that he does not want to speak about it!!

Unfortunately friends fall out and you can't be angry with the offended guy for choosing not to forget what has happened so easily!! His pride was wounded and he no doubt was hurt by what transpired and no 3rd party can tell someone the acceptable amount of time to be upset with the person!!
If becoming enlightened or an intellectual means I must become arrogant and coldly cynical about the world around me then I'd gladly remain a fool for the rest of my life!!

I'm Out4Marriage!!!Are You??

It is a CHOICE!!
User avatar
SunXia
Warrior Princess
Warrior Princess
 
Posts: 6536
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2005 3:48 pm
Location: Keeping Evils from this world at bay...with a smile!!

Re: Problems? Need help or support? Let us offer it to you

Unread postby Shikanosuke » Fri Nov 08, 2013 12:21 am

Aygor wrote:It isn't actually a problem of mine, but I would love some advice, if any of you has any.

Last Saturday, a dear friend of mine had a party for his birthday in his house, to which I couldn't take part.
During the party another close friend of mine (we have been friends for most of our lives, have been scouts together and still have pizza/alcohol evenings at least once per month with another former scout friend), when they were both pretty drunk, took the phone of the party host and sent a text saying "please, FXXX me now" (he claims to have miswritten CALL as the two terms are a letter away in our language) to random numbers (including family and the president of the party man's university).
Long story short the reaction was wild, the offended took his own phone and smashed it on the ground heavily insulting the other guy and throwing him out of his house.

Almost a week passed, the guy has sent a letter to excuse himself (which he submitted to me before sending it) to no avail; I just went to a classical concert with the offended who said, after the incident was briefly brought up, "I don't wanna talk about that, what he did is extremely grave, I won't ever talk to him again".

I, as a close friend of both, can try anything at all to and reconcile them?



Wow. I'm kind of with SunXia on this one. I understand your desire to put two old friends (who I bet both affect you personally) back in their previous positions. But unfortunately, the onus is on the offending friend to make this right. The best you could do (i think, at least) would be to play down the significance of the event and its effects. I'd try to get the offending friend to get motivated to make amends (if possible).
User avatar
Shikanosuke
Scholar of Shen Zhou
 
Posts: 4308
Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 2:22 am
Location: US

Re: Problems? Need help or support? Let us offer it to you

Unread postby Aygor » Fri Nov 08, 2013 10:31 am

Thank very much Xia and Shika!!

He actually is extremely remorseful.
He sent a letter to apologize, not to excuse himself (I just googled it and saw that the two mean different things, I was careless when typing).

I wasn't the one who brought that up, the name of the guy was said by a girl who was with us, and I caught the opportunity to ask what happened, since I wasn't at the party (my intention was to understand how angry he still was): at his response the issue was obviously immediatly dropped.
I am not angry with the offended, he's right, I am just very sad about the whole thing.

The guy wants to make amends in person but both he and I are very unsure about when and how to do so at the moment.
Personally, I thought that in a couple of weeks or so I could have organized one of our evenings to give the guy a chance to, but after that unfavorable answer last night I honestly fear that reconciliation isn't even in the picture.
分久必合,合久必分
Ἀτύφως μὲν λαβεῖν, εὐλύτως δὲ ἀφεῖναι
User avatar
Aygor
Langzhong
 
Posts: 536
Joined: Fri Oct 28, 2011 5:09 pm

Re: Problems? Need help or support? Let us offer it to you

Unread postby Sun Fin » Fri Nov 08, 2013 4:41 pm

Give it some time. My experience is that when this kind of thing happens between guys one is furious for a few weeks, very understandably in this case, maybe even a few months, then slowly starts caring less about the incident as it becomes more distant and is happy to accept a sincere apology.
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” ― Nelson Mandela
User avatar
Sun Fin
Scholar of Shen Zhou
 
Posts: 6657
Joined: Sat Nov 10, 2007 9:20 pm
Location: The birthplace of radio

Re: Problems? Need help or support? Let us offer it to you

Unread postby SunXia » Fri Nov 08, 2013 6:00 pm

It's early days days yet, I think you should let him stew it out for a bit!! The angrier he is the less likely it will fix!! I doubt very much saying "I meant to write this" kind of excuse is going to help here but if he is remorseful then it is good!! However, neither of you can decide when the guy forgives him or even IF he forgives him, it's his choice and you have to let him make it and can't hold it against him when he does!! But first let him cool off!!
If becoming enlightened or an intellectual means I must become arrogant and coldly cynical about the world around me then I'd gladly remain a fool for the rest of my life!!

I'm Out4Marriage!!!Are You??

It is a CHOICE!!
User avatar
SunXia
Warrior Princess
Warrior Princess
 
Posts: 6536
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2005 3:48 pm
Location: Keeping Evils from this world at bay...with a smile!!

Re: Problems? Need help or support? Let us offer it to you

Unread postby Aygor » Sun Nov 10, 2013 11:04 am

Thank you very much, I'll treasure your advice =)
分久必合,合久必分
Ἀτύφως μὲν λαβεῖν, εὐλύτως δὲ ἀφεῖναι
User avatar
Aygor
Langzhong
 
Posts: 536
Joined: Fri Oct 28, 2011 5:09 pm

Re: Problems? Need help or support? Let us offer it to you

Unread postby mrbeate » Sat Nov 30, 2013 11:26 pm

Ok to start off.. I have an issue with one of my friends named Robert. I met him about two years ago and we only ever smoked weed together couple times. Never really got to know him personally because of his weird or distant personality. I didn't like hanging around him, but he is close childhood friends with my other friends. Even they admit that ever since highschool began years ago hes been acting strange. Everyone that has met him knew he was bit off. He got bullied by one of my other friends constantly(mainly just pushing, and verbal harassment nothing serious), my bully friend said he would stop only if Robert stands up for himself which he never does. Robert is usually just a bit off but when he gets high he stops talking, acts king of creepy like and laughs to himself.

My friends and I rarely hang out with Robert but we're his only friends. He comes out when he can as his parents don't let him out often. Robert would always complain to us about his parents being weird or to controlling of him. Recently however hes been saying crazy stuff like how his mom molests him and his dad beats him. We never talked to his parents about it and just told him to call the cops or get social services. Robert wants to run away from home and live in a homeless shelter, which all of my friends disagreed with and tried to talk him out of. One day Robert ran away to another friend's house, the friend wasn't even home as he lives on residence in another city. Robert just stood outside the house, friend's parents called the cops and took him back home.

Yesterday me and a few friends were up late about 3am having bong hits with Robert. He started stepping back and forth, slapping his thighs and wouldn't talk to us. Started trippin out saying the lights came on when they were always on. We finished our session and dropped him home. He would only message us after on a group convo that he ran away to Tim Horton's with no shoes. My friend picked him up and dropped him home, Robert went along, and called the cops.

In a turn of events, the cop arrested Robert. Saying he's legally not allowed out past 9pm ( we didn't know he never told us anything). His parents and my friend talk, and we find out he has mild schizophrenia and depression. Robert is paranoid, hears voices and doesn't trust anyone. He's on medication as well but he hasn't been taking them.

So my problem is should we still hang out with him still ? I mean how are we to handle this situation. He still wants to chill with us but he's not allowed to be outside the house without his parent's permission.
Smoke, drink, relieve my stress
User avatar
mrbeate
Scholar of Shen Zhou
 
Posts: 1717
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 9:39 pm
Location: GTA

Re: Problems? Need help or support? Let us offer it to you

Unread postby SunXia » Sun Dec 01, 2013 12:20 am

Thats a very odd friendship although I'm quite concerned as to why you would be friends with a bully....bullies are cruel...

If you don't want to hang around with the guy then don't hang around with him but you should definitely stop your other friend from bullying him, he clearly has it rough already without that crap going down!! Not everybody would want to deal with those types of issues in a friend and if you don't feel up to it then fine but leave him be, no more cruelty!!
If becoming enlightened or an intellectual means I must become arrogant and coldly cynical about the world around me then I'd gladly remain a fool for the rest of my life!!

I'm Out4Marriage!!!Are You??

It is a CHOICE!!
User avatar
SunXia
Warrior Princess
Warrior Princess
 
Posts: 6536
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2005 3:48 pm
Location: Keeping Evils from this world at bay...with a smile!!

PreviousNext

Return to The Pub

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 2 guests

Copyright © 2002–2008 Kongming’s Archives. All Rights Reserved