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Re: Problems? Need help or support? Let us offer it to you

Unread postby mrbeate » Tue Jul 07, 2015 7:47 am

Alright I need some opinions. I have this acquaintance who I've known since middle school, not close. But we do chill in school during the semester and we never hang out other than in college grounds. He has a girlfriend, and I've invited her to parties and just to chill out and drink with me on occasion because I find her cool. The guy doesn't like this at all and they argue, resulting in them breaking up. I start flirting with and going to parties with her. At the last party her ex-boyfriend calls her wanting to get back together, but she's not too sure about it. Is it okay for me to swoop in and get with her? I also know that he cheats on her with one of her "friends". I'm a known "homewrecker" with my friends, but I will never do it to my bestfriends. Tbh I don't really care about this dude.
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Re: Problems? Need help or support? Let us offer it to you

Unread postby Bush Leagues » Tue Jul 07, 2015 8:29 am

Well, that's not an easy situation. I can see why you want second opinions.

Trying to be brief -

If she's available, then I don't particularly take issue with trying to get with her, although I wouldn't want you to take advantage of her emotional vulnerability (seems like she is from your post). If it seems like she'll go back to him, you can consider telling her that he was cheating (although I might not mention who, if you know), and basically letting her know that he's not really into a serious relationship right now (evidenced by his cheating). I have no idea if you are or not either, although I would be clear up-front either way. Be aware that it will cause friction between you and this guy, and depending on his temperament, impulsiveness, etc, might cause you more serious problems than a strained relationship for a while.

Secondly, if she decides to try her relationship with this guy again, she should make it clear that you and her are friends, and that he has to be OK with that. And if that happens, I don't believe you should pursue her any farther until she's not with him anymore. In the first place, I do think it's wrong to sleep with someone who's in a relationship (unless it's open or not exclusive, those do exist), but more importantly, she might end up regretting sleeping with you if it means she's cheating and it could damage your relationship. You can still be friends, but you should avoid romantic entanglements with her. From a pragmatic perspective, it doesn't seem like this relationship is one that's gonna last for a significant period of time anyway, so biding your time will be fine when she's finally done with him for good.

Lastly, balance all the advice you get here - from me or anyone else - with your own knowledge of the situation and experience with these people. None of us have interacted with them in any way, and so your gut is probably the best advice you're going to get, except for people around you who know these people and the situation. I don't expect to change your mind about much, but hopefully the different perspective gives you some insight into the situation.

Best of luck with this, brother. :wink:

EDIT: I don't think I come off this way, but I want to make it clear - I'm not being judgmental of you or anything along those lines. I gave the advice I did because it's the best I can think of for your particular situation.

And again, hope it all goes well for you.
Last edited by Bush Leagues on Tue Jul 07, 2015 9:16 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Problems? Need help or support? Let us offer it to you

Unread postby Sun Fin » Tue Jul 07, 2015 9:03 am

Personally I'd give some time for the whole situation to settle down. I don't think you want to get in to a messy love triangle, believe me those things are not fun. Instead I'd wait, hope that she rejects him outright and give them both time to move on. Then you make your move knowing that your not a rebound boyfriend, that she doesn't still have feelings for someone else and actually being confident that you can dismiss those rumours of being a 'home wrecker'.
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Re: Problems? Need help or support? Let us offer it to you

Unread postby mrbeate » Wed Jul 08, 2015 6:45 am

Bush Leagues wrote:If she's available, then I don't particularly take issue with trying to get with her, although I wouldn't want you to take advantage of her emotional vulnerability (seems like she is from your post). If it seems like she'll go back to him, you can consider telling her that he was cheating (although I might not mention who, if you know), and basically letting her know that he's not really into a serious relationship right now (evidenced by his cheating). I have no idea if you are or not either, although I would be clear up-front either way. Be aware that it will cause friction between you and this guy, and depending on his temperament, impulsiveness, etc, might cause you more serious problems than a strained relationship for a while.


It has been almost a month since they broke up, the flirting started the day after they broke up. I don't want to snitch, It's not my thing. We may not like each other after but I don't mind.

Bush Leagues wrote:EDIT: I don't think I come off this way, but I want to make it clear - I'm not being judgmental of you or anything along those lines. I gave the advice I did because it's the best I can think of for your particular situation.


Yeah I understand, any opinions really help me my perspectives.

Sun Fin wrote:Personally I'd give some time for the whole situation to settle down. I don't think you want to get in to a messy love triangle, believe me those things are not fun. Instead I'd wait, hope that she rejects him outright and give them both time to move on. Then you make your move knowing that your not a rebound boyfriend, that she doesn't still have feelings for someone else and actually being confident that you can dismiss those rumours of being a 'home wrecker'.


I hope she rejects him too, I'm not sure if she knows that he cheated on her, but I'm not one to tell. I don't mind being on the rebound... I'm not looking for anything serious, but I also want to see how far this goes. Being a known home wrecker SUCKS! Girls assume the worst of you and don't want to be around you.
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Re: Problems? Need help or support? Let us offer it to you

Unread postby Bush Leagues » Wed Jul 08, 2015 6:53 am

mrbeate wrote:It has been almost a month since they broke up, the flirting started the day after they broke up. I don't want to snitch, It's not my thing. We may not like each other after but I don't mind.


I see; I think I misunderstood, it seemed like you were flirting before they broke up. At least it could look like that from an outsiders' perspective.

I also get your position about not wanting to snitch, it could be bad for you if others did similar, considering your history. :D
I have a bit more to say about that, but it's not my place, so I'll leave it alone.

mrbeate wrote:I'm not looking for anything serious, but I also want to see how far this goes. Being a known home wrecker SUCKS! Girls assume the worst of you and don't want to be around you.


Hahaha. :lol: We all lie in the bed we make.

Again, I hope it all goes well for everyone involved. Sometimes the bad stuff turns out to be OK or even pretty good in the end. :D
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