How sensitive are you to the words of other people?

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Unread postby Mei » Sat Aug 18, 2007 3:31 pm

I'm not necessarily worried about what others say to me, but I am worried about how others perceive me. I hate to offend anyone.
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Unread postby SunXia » Sat Aug 18, 2007 4:19 pm

It's a hard question to answer, in my personal opinion!!

When I was growing up in my early childhood, I was always a Happy-go-lucky sort of person, never really giving two hoots about what anybody thought of me!! I did what I wanted to do, always, wore what I wanted and never got into fights over people that had a problem with me, it was their problem, not mine!! Not saying I was insensitive to others, but if a person had a problem with my personality, I wouldn't care, I am what I am, I can't just re-programme my DNA to fit everybody's desires!!

It all changed when my mother went into intensive care for a while, with the doctors not really knowing what was wrong with her!! For the first time I was really scared, I didn't want to lose my mother, especially since I was about to become a teenager and would need her there for me!! They soon discovered what made her "better", tablets/pills that she had to take everyday in order to keep whatever it was away!! This is when the problems started, my mother started to corner me at different occasions and tell me I wasn't good enough and how I was disappointment for a daughter, and how I'd never had been!! It's funny, I never really cared about what other people thought of me, never and yet after a couple of years my mother had, (unintentionally due to her illness) turned me into a sensitive shadow of my former self!! My friends noticed the change, but I never told them the reason for it, I never told anybody, not even my father nor brothers, but my younger brother, who was in the house at times when she'd reduce me to a little quivering wreck on the floor, was a little young to understand!! I didn't tell anyone due to denial it was happening, but it got so bad, I could hardly go into a shop and buy something without pushing myself to do it, there was no hope if a guy was at the register, I'd find another shop!!

I finally moved to my granny's to get my head straight during my GCSE's, as people began to realise my mother had a problem!! I don't know how I got through those exams, honestly, and moved back home to care for my mother, who couldn't walk for a month due to lack of vitamins!! But at last I just broke just before my 17th birthday, she hadn't stopped doing what she was doing, when she could walk, she continued to do it again!! I had a complete mental and emotional break down, right in the middle of History class, which looked like nothing had brought it on!! My teacher, who had taught me every year at that school, was truly baffled!! The school got involved and made me go to counselling, they made me go, for a whole week, everyday!! Then they made me go on a break, in which my grandparents took me away for a week to calm me down!! It was hard at first, opening up to the counsellor, with all my trust issues but soon I found that it was helping me!!

Now, I feel more confident and really, truly don't give fig if people don't like me, the last year, living on my own, helped me become my own woman and nobody changes who I am, not again!! I guess I just had to go through adolescence like everyone, now I'm back to me!!
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Unread postby Kongming's Prodigy » Sun Aug 19, 2007 8:18 am

It really depends on your who's saying it, and your relationship with people in general. Most often it's the people who are closest to you that you should worry about, but in some cases, if people you don't even know existed starting talking about you negatively, it might be an issue as well.

Personally I consider it case by case, individual by individual.
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Unread postby Rhiannon » Sun Aug 19, 2007 5:13 pm

I have been a very sensitive person to the opinions of others, whether I wanted to admit it, or not. I am slowly changing that mindset though, to where I can listen to someone's opinion and make my own judgment based on that - letting my self-value be determined by myself, and no one else.

Why have I been this way though?

Growing up, my father was my role model. He was everything I wanted to be - incredibly talented in the arts, multi-dimensional, vastly intelligent, strong in all aspects of his being, spiritual. So as I developed as a young lady, and began doing and learning, I would bring my work to his attention for approval - or at least, look for approval and attention to what I'd done or learned.

My father, however, did not approach this in the way that would have been ideal for a young child. He wasn't the kind of dad who praised your drawing that you'd worked three hours on (even though the dog's ears were lopsided and his head was too big for his body). When I brought artwork to him, a few general types of comments would be my reward - "it's okay, maybe one day you'll be as good as me," "couldn't you have done better?", or a little bit of laughter. So here I was as a kid, trying to get my role model's approval, and either I'd be put down flat out, or I'd have my amateur child's work compared to his experienced adult's work. This extended outside of artwork too - I wanted to sing, he laughed at my singing voice (although he would tell me he was joking, I'd already taken the blow to my ego); I wanted to excel in school, I was only good enough if I got straight A's, and even then I was learning "crap."

This constant chain not only gave me a pretty low self-esteem, but my mind developed this pattern where I was constantly seeking the praise I wanted but never got. As such, I never believed the praise I did get, and I let everything else devastate me. I've always been hanging on the opinions of others - even unintentionally - and never really taken a stand to have my own opinion of myself, and let others sink or swim based on reasonable feedback.
"For us to have self-esteem is truly an act of revolution and our revolution is long overdue."
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Unread postby HereUnlessOtherwise » Thu Sep 06, 2007 9:31 pm

I'd like to relate, but, I can't. Then again, I am only in middle school. The worst is yet to come.
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Unread postby Spike » Fri Sep 07, 2007 7:19 am

Rhiannon wrote:My father, however, did not approach this in the way that would have been ideal for a young child. He wasn't the kind of dad who praised your drawing that you'd worked three hours on (even though the dog's ears were lopsided and his head was too big for his body). When I brought artwork to him, a few general types of comments would be my reward - "it's okay, maybe one day you'll be as good as me," "couldn't you have done better?", or a little bit of laughter. So here I was as a kid, trying to get my role model's approval, and either I'd be put down flat out, or I'd have my amateur child's work compared to his experienced adult's work. This extended outside of artwork too - I wanted to sing, he laughed at my singing voice (although he would tell me he was joking, I'd already taken the blow to my ego); I wanted to excel in school, I was only good enough if I got straight A's, and even then I was learning "crap."


We wouldn't happen to have the same father, would we? :roll:

Everything there sounds almost exactly like my dad (bar the singing) and I know how it can really knock my self-esteem at times. :(

In general, I'm not overly sensitive to other people's opinions or their 'words', apart from when they come from people close to me.
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Unread postby Shi Tong » Fri Sep 07, 2007 2:24 pm

Err..

I respect most people's opinions, but I always try to prove people wrong if they say I cant do something.

For instance- with this latest pronunciation project, I'm totally open to someone else doing it, but I'd rather have a hand in it, despite the fact someone might think my accent is "wrong".

I discourage myself if I know I cant do something though because I feel I know my limits.
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Unread postby Jiang Yi » Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:05 am

im never sad when people laugh at me, i think laughing's good for yur health and joke or not i take it as a joke
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Unread postby Dong Zhou » Tue Sep 11, 2007 7:28 am

I can be very sensitive to what people say to me, I may be arrogant but my confidence has long been fragile and it so easy for me to suffer a bout of depression. I find it easier to believe the bad things (admittedly due to them being true) then I do when people say good things
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Unread postby Sam » Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:07 pm

As seems to be the general consensus, it would be really depend on who said the words to me, even more so than the words themselves. I'm usually indifferent to the comments of others, but there have been occasions in the past where words have really struck home and hit a nerve. I think it's quite impossible to be completely unaffected by what others think and say of you, unless you're completely emotionally detached.
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