Girlfriend

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Re: Girlfriend

Unread postby Mitsunari » Wed Jun 12, 2013 4:43 pm

SunXia wrote:Personally I can't handle too many compliments about my look, I know they are meant well but I feel uncomfortable with them and I have been stared at on a date with him saying little but just staring!! That freaked me out and I couldn't make myself see him again as when I ask that he stop he just said "your beauty is too engrossing" so please if a girl does ask that you not do something, don't continue doing it as it does mean it makes her uncomfortable!!


Not to sound big-headed, but I often get compliments on my looks and stared at, and to some guys it's ego fuel but to me it's...I dunno, flattering, but someone must really be quite shallow to take an interest in me based solely on my looks. Ironically, it's that quality I find least attractive in the opposite sex.
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Re: Girlfriend

Unread postby Sun Fin » Wed Jun 12, 2013 4:51 pm

Without wanting to sound presumptuous you sound like you have grown up being 'attractive'.

I went through high school suffering from acne and with facial features that were out of proportion to the rest of my face. So it was with shock and, dare I say, some pleasure that I discovered when I got to university that girls actually found me physically attractive. I'm still not the best looking guy in the world but it is pleasant to be reminded that people do find you attractive when you spent lots of your life hearing the opposite.

I'm not justifying people being shallow and glorifying in their own good looks but I can understand why other people might not be so quick to take for granted what you've always had.
Last edited by Sun Fin on Thu Jun 13, 2013 9:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Girlfriend

Unread postby Mitsunari » Wed Jun 12, 2013 5:01 pm

Sun Fin wrote:Without wanting to sound presumptuous you sound like you have grown up being 'attractive'.

I went through high school suffering from acne and with facial features that were out of preparation to the rest of my face. So it was with shock and, dare I say, some pleasure that I discovered when I got to university that girls actually found me physically attractive. I'm still not the best looking guy in the world but it is pleasant to be reminded that people do find you attractive when you spent lots of your life hearing the opposite.

I'm not justifying people being shallow and glorifying in their own good looks but I can understand why other people might not be so quick to take for granted what you've always had.


Nope, not at all, in fact quite the opposite until I reached 28. I too had acne problems and disproportionate features in school and college, which contributed to my already introverted nature.

I take nothing in this life for granted mate, least of all a set of looks that some women find appealing, but it's more to do with being viewed and judged based on those looks solely. Of course it can be a welcome confidence boost to know that women find you attractive, but I guess it's HOW they translate it to you...
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Re: Girlfriend

Unread postby Sun Fin » Wed Jun 12, 2013 5:05 pm

Fair enough, I guess it isn't a concern for me as I don't expect girls to go for me based exclusively on my looks :lol:
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Re: Girlfriend

Unread postby Mitsunari » Wed Jun 12, 2013 5:29 pm

Sun Fin wrote:Fair enough, I guess it isn't a concern for me as I don't expect girls to go for me based exclusively on my looks :lol:


That's cos you've nailed the 'handsome yet scholarly' look, Finbar...I tend to give off the 'ageing Argos catalogue model for underwear' vibe. :lol:
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Re: Girlfriend

Unread postby SunXia » Wed Jun 12, 2013 11:59 pm

Well attractiveness is always subjective and I certainly didn't feel attractive growing up and I doubt many do when they are hormonal!! In fact many whom I have known as a teen pretended in front of others they didn't care but really in private they did!!

Any time anyone has ever called me attractive I have to correct them and ask that they stop saying it like a fact!! "You could have any guy you want" no shut up relationships have nothing to do with looks!!

To be honest I hate when people flirt with me, despise it these days more so than ever!! If I have not responded in kind then leave me alone, regardless of what I am wearing because if you don't you will be labelled a creep in my mind!! I never was considered the good looking one or whatever and it was fine by me, I usually enjoyed climbing or whatever I was doing!! Course I had no confidence and would cry if made to talk to a stranger or a shop assistant but being the object of affection is meh!!

It's not even just that it's shallow its irritating and insulting at times!! I know there are many who don't find me attractive and yet people try to "get in there" by telling me everyone does like argh go away I'm not stupid!!
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Re: Girlfriend

Unread postby Zyzyfer » Thu Jun 13, 2013 6:21 am

epaminondas146871 wrote:
SunXia wrote:I hate this idea of people thinking how you should behave with someone to "succeed"!! In the end you should just be yourself but also compromise and communicate!! If something doesn't work when this happens then it isn't meant to be!! Taking the advice of others and pretending to be like something or someone you are not will only lead to unhappiness on both sides!!


I think Aygor explained it pretty well. Lack of maturity and experience means I have no idea what to do, and though I mostly agree with you, I was simply asking for general advice.


Well three big things you can do...

1) don't put her on a pedestal, when guys do this, it's really noticeable and awkward
2) as Jason mentioned, be a listener, elicit information from her and let her elicit it from you as well rather than babbling on about whatever (which I do :oops: ), this is just good conversation advice in general as well
3) keep your expectations low; this ties in a bit with #1, have fun together and do fun things and new or random things once in a while, and definitely don't be like "if we do this, i think this will happen" if you know what I mean :wink:
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Re: Girlfriend

Unread postby Mitsunari » Thu Jun 13, 2013 3:04 pm

I think I pointed out the same thing to you, epaminondas...nobody knows the secret of the 'Love Game', nobody has the formula for avoiding heartbreak and rejection, just always be true to yourself and respect the object of your affections. :mrgreen:
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