Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

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Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby Hyper90 » Thu Jul 14, 2011 4:13 am

any jokes you can create from the novel / history . share with us !

i'll start with one

before dong zhuo burns down luo yang;

DZ : what ? lu bu retreated !? we have to do something !

*hits table and kicks it down*

but the table's candle lighted with wine together, causing flames arose. DZ continued to trample around the court without noticing there was a fire broke out. until his subjects calm him down, the whole room was on fire, DZ looked as his burning court.

DZ: oh well, lets go to chang an and leave this stinking place burn.
"There are five possible operations for any army. If you can fight, fight; if you cannot fight, defend; if you cannot defend, flee; if you cannot flee, surrender; if you cannot surrender, die. " Sima Yi

take a look please
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Re: Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby TooMuchBaijiu » Thu Jul 14, 2011 6:30 pm

A variation on an old favorite:

Yu Jin, Dian Wei and Xu Chu are sitting outside Xia Pi, getting appropriately plastered during a lull in the battle against Lu Bu. Problem is, the Baijiu's running low. Yu Jin has a cunning plan.

He looks both Dian and Xu in the eye and says "I don't care what the Prime Minister says, I'm the strongest man in all the country!" Well, Dian and Xu aren't happy about this. "You lie!" They both say.

"Then let us prove our worth! The first man who can kill a panda and screw Lu Bu's concubine without dying will be the strongest man in all the Empire!" Dian Wei and Xu Chu agree, and scurry off.

Some hours later, Dian Wei comes panting back to the campsite, his armor a little worn, but otherwise no worse for the wear. "All right, Yu Jin, I'm not so tough. I took down that beast with ease, but there's no way I'm going to get caught by Lu Bu with my pants down. I concede defeat."

"Hah! I d-dun give a damn 'b-'bout whoda strungest in the Han...Wei...the thingamabob. I just wanted your grubby hands of the w-w-wine. And I succeeded, bitch! Ha HA! Now...where's Xu Zoo?"

Xu Chu finally returns. His skin is covered in blood and slash marks, his armor in shreds. "Now," he mouths out, "Where's this concubine you want me to kill?"
I don't write fanfic, but if I did it would involve Zhou Yu and Zheng He fighting to win the heart of Lai Choi San. Then I'd make them join forces to fight Ming the Merciless, who secretly works for Master Li. I'd squeeze Lu Bu in there somehow.
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Re: Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby Zhuanyong » Thu Jul 14, 2011 6:46 pm

TooMuchBaijiu wrote:A variation on an old favorite:

Yu Jin, Dian Wei and Xu Chu are sitting outside Xia Pi, getting appropriately plastered during a lull in the battle against Lu Bu. Problem is, the Baijiu's running low. Yu Jin has a cunning plan.

He looks both Dian and Xu in the eye and says "I don't care what the Prime Minister says, I'm the strongest man in all the country!" Well, Dian and Xu aren't happy about this. "You lie!" They both say.

"Then let us prove our worth! The first man who can kill a panda and screw Lu Bu's concubine without dying will be the strongest man in all the Empire!" Dian Wei and Xu Chu agree, and scurry off.

Some hours later, Dian Wei comes panting back to the campsite, his armor a little worn, but otherwise no worse for the wear. "All right, Yu Jin, I'm not so tough. I took down that beast with ease, but there's no way I'm going to get caught by Lu Bu with my pants down. I concede defeat."

"Hah! I d-dun give a damn 'b-'bout whoda strungest in the Han...Wei...the thingamabob. I just wanted your grubby hands of the w-w-wine. And I succeeded, bitch! Ha HA! Now...where's Xu Zoo?"

Xu Chu finally returns. His skin is covered in blood and slash marks, his armor in shreds. "Now," he mouths out, "Where's this concubine you want me to kill?"


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Needless to say, the above was my reaction after reading this. Excellent read, TMB. Excellent read, indeed.
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Re: Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby TooMuchBaijiu » Thu Jul 14, 2011 6:59 pm

Image

The morning after.
I don't write fanfic, but if I did it would involve Zhou Yu and Zheng He fighting to win the heart of Lai Choi San. Then I'd make them join forces to fight Ming the Merciless, who secretly works for Master Li. I'd squeeze Lu Bu in there somehow.
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Re: Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby epaminondas146871 » Thu Jul 14, 2011 7:37 pm

TooMuchBaijiu wrote:A variation on an old favorite:

Yu Jin, Dian Wei and Xu Chu are sitting outside Xia Pi, getting appropriately plastered during a lull in the battle against Lu Bu. Problem is, the Baijiu's running low. Yu Jin has a cunning plan.

He looks both Dian and Xu in the eye and says "I don't care what the Prime Minister says, I'm the strongest man in all the country!" Well, Dian and Xu aren't happy about this. "You lie!" They both say.

"Then let us prove our worth! The first man who can kill a panda and screw Lu Bu's concubine without dying will be the strongest man in all the Empire!" Dian Wei and Xu Chu agree, and scurry off.

Some hours later, Dian Wei comes panting back to the campsite, his armor a little worn, but otherwise no worse for the wear. "All right, Yu Jin, I'm not so tough. I took down that beast with ease, but there's no way I'm going to get caught by Lu Bu with my pants down. I concede defeat."

"Hah! I d-dun give a damn 'b-'bout whoda strungest in the Han...Wei...the thingamabob. I just wanted your grubby hands of the w-w-wine. And I succeeded, bitch! Ha HA! Now...where's Xu Zoo?"

Xu Chu finally returns. His skin is covered in blood and slash marks, his armor in shreds. "Now," he mouths out, "Where's this concubine you want me to kill?"


Ha! Fantastic! There's no question as to who's the strongest man in the country after that...
"Remember upon the conduct of each depends the fate of all." - Alexander

"The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly." - Friedrich Nietzsche
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Re: Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby TooMuchBaijiu » Fri Jul 15, 2011 5:16 am

Another variation on an old joke:

Fei Yi was sitting in his tent in the middle of the Shu camp on the Wu Zhang Plains, when Wei Yan came running in. "My Lord, Zhuge Liang has died! What do we do?"

Fei was always a mild-mannered fellow who could keep his wits in a crisis, so very calmly he says "Now hold on, General. We can deal with this. But first, let's make sure the Prime Minister is actually dead."

Wei Yan salutes, and runs out of the tent. Fei returns to his work, but is suddenly interrupted by a blood-curdling scream and a gruesome medley of thwok thwok thwok sounds.

Wei Yan runs back into Fei Yi's tent. "All right, now what?"
I don't write fanfic, but if I did it would involve Zhou Yu and Zheng He fighting to win the heart of Lai Choi San. Then I'd make them join forces to fight Ming the Merciless, who secretly works for Master Li. I'd squeeze Lu Bu in there somehow.
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Re: Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby Hyper90 » Fri Jul 15, 2011 11:42 am

:lol:

Before the 3 visits ;

ZGL : hmm, liu bei is coming, im better run off..

During the 1st, ZGL told Cui Zhouping ; "dude you gotta help me, if Liu Bei comes, tell him im not around. I'll give you some corns and tea"

Then the 2nd visit
ZGL told his brother :"Jun, If Liu Bei comes, tell them that i may take a boat and sail away among the lakes, or go to gossip with the priests in some remote mountain temple, or wander off to visit a friend in some far away village, or be sitting in some cave with a lute or a chessboard, or anything you can think of. If he asks im good in anything, say you dont know"

until the 3rd visit

Liu Bei : Oh you are awake !
ZGL : (oh darn, i overslept !)
"There are five possible operations for any army. If you can fight, fight; if you cannot fight, defend; if you cannot defend, flee; if you cannot flee, surrender; if you cannot surrender, die. " Sima Yi

take a look please
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Re: Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby Human5 » Fri Jul 15, 2011 1:56 pm

Hyper90 wrote::lol:

Before the 3 visits ;

ZGL : hmm, liu bei is coming, im better run off..

During the 1st, ZGL told Cui Zhouping ; "dude you gotta help me, if Liu Bei comes, tell him im not around. I'll give you some corns and tea"

Then the 2nd visit
ZGL told his brother :"Jun, If Liu Bei comes, tell them that i may take a boat and sail away among the lakes, or go to gossip with the priests in some remote mountain temple, or wander off to visit a friend in some far away village, or be sitting in some cave with a lute or a chessboard, or anything you can think of. If he asks im good in anything, say you dont know"

until the 3rd visit

Liu Bei : Oh you are awake !
ZGL : (oh darn, i overslept !)


:lol: That was a good joke!! hahahahah.
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Re: Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby epaminondas146871 » Fri Jul 15, 2011 8:15 pm

Hyper90 wrote::lol:

Before the 3 visits ;

ZGL : hmm, liu bei is coming, im better run off..

During the 1st, ZGL told Cui Zhouping ; "dude you gotta help me, if Liu Bei comes, tell him im not around. I'll give you some corns and tea"

Then the 2nd visit
ZGL told his brother :"Jun, If Liu Bei comes, tell them that i may take a boat and sail away among the lakes, or go to gossip with the priests in some remote mountain temple, or wander off to visit a friend in some far away village, or be sitting in some cave with a lute or a chessboard, or anything you can think of. If he asks im good in anything, say you dont know"

until the 3rd visit

Liu Bei : Oh you are awake !
ZGL : (oh darn, i overslept !)


And thus, Zhuge Liang invented the alarm clock.
"Remember upon the conduct of each depends the fate of all." - Alexander

"The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly." - Friedrich Nietzsche
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Re: Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby Hyper90 » Sat Jul 16, 2011 11:08 am

the part yan liang got killed

after song xian and wei xu was killed, guan yu was summoned to face yan liang.

Yan Liang: *looks carefully* whos that guy with a long beard?
Soldier: who?
Yan Liang: the guy with a red face
Soldier: whats his name?
Yan Liang: How the hell i know his name?
Soldier: he rides quite fast, boss
Yan Liang: oh really?
*looks back*
SLASH !
*dead yan liang*

Soldier: he killed you quite fast too, boss.
"There are five possible operations for any army. If you can fight, fight; if you cannot fight, defend; if you cannot defend, flee; if you cannot flee, surrender; if you cannot surrender, die. " Sima Yi

take a look please
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