Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

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Re: Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby Hyper90 » Sun Oct 23, 2011 6:31 am

lets make things lighten up again :D

when xiahou dun chased gao shun...

Cao xing shoots an arrow that was meant for gao shun
Cao xing : that's for eye-balling my girl, biotch !

Xiahou Dun : Argh !
Cao Xing : ops :shock:

--------------
3 days later..

Cao cao's wives complained to him, "honey would you tell your cousin to stop breaking mirrors already!"


PS. woot 1k posts
"There are five possible operations for any army. If you can fight, fight; if you cannot fight, defend; if you cannot defend, flee; if you cannot flee, surrender; if you cannot surrender, die. " Sima Yi

take a look please
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Re: Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby Human5 » Mon Oct 24, 2011 4:10 pm

TooMuchBaijiu wrote:"I mean, if they want to 'Cross the Five Passes' with each other that's their business. It's just that it's hard to believe. For one thing, Lord Guan Yu's wife is drop-dead gorgeous."

"Well, that's why they call him 'The Man With The Beautiful Beard."

You may groan now.


I don't get it. Can anybody please explain this?
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Re: Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby Qu Hui » Mon Oct 24, 2011 5:05 pm

Human5 wrote:I don't get it. Can anybody please explain this?

A "beard" is like a cover girl. Ad if you don't know what that is, I would suggest heading over to Urban Dictionary.
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Re: Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby Zhuanyong » Tue Oct 25, 2011 9:12 pm

TooMuchBaijiu wrote:Ok, this one's stupid, but if I don't post it I'll lose it...

Huang Zhong and Zhuge Liang are at a banquet with the Three Brothers. Huang Zhong turns to Zhuge Liang and says, "Hey, Kongming, have the Lord and his oath brothers always spent so much time together?"

"As far as I can remember."

"Do you think they're...uh...you know...?"

Zhuge glares at Huang Zhong. "Sure they are. They've been doing the 'Peach Garden Oath' on the same couch for thirty years." Zhuge looks at Huang pointedly. "Is this a problem for you?"

"No, no! Not me. After all, we all live by twenty-first western liberal standards here in Shu, right?"

"Right!"

"I mean, if they want to 'Cross the Five Passes' with each other that's their business. It's just that it's hard to believe. For one thing, Lord Guan Yu's wife is drop-dead gorgeous."

"Well, that's why they call him 'The Man With The Beautiful Beard."

You may groan now.


Stupid, eh? Well as stupid as you may find it, it was the funniest thing I've read or heard today.
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Re: Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby Hyper90 » Sat Dec 10, 2011 2:33 pm

Scene #1

Liu Bei : Let me hear about the idioms you've studied
A dou : ....
Liu Bei : Son, let me hear your talents. What can you do?
A dou : I can differentiate which maid has better looks and dancing skills !
Liu Bei : Other than that?
A dou : I can watch them dance all day long without getting tired

Thus Liu bei's days grew shorter.


-----------
Scene #2

Guard Palace 1: I heard general Ding Feng has been laughing for no reason since he returned from that campaign. What happened?
Guard Palace 2: you didn't know ?
Guard Palace 1: nope.
Guard Palace 2: He shot that monstrous Zhang Liao in the groin.
Guard Palace 1: :shock: Now I've seen it all...

-----------

Scene #3

The reason Jiang Gan never did anything to Zhou Yu in Chi bi..

"Ziyi, if you ever foil my plans I will spread out all the embarrassing things you did in childhood ! " - Gongjin
"There are five possible operations for any army. If you can fight, fight; if you cannot fight, defend; if you cannot defend, flee; if you cannot flee, surrender; if you cannot surrender, die. " Sima Yi

take a look please
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Re: Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby TooMuchBaijiu » Sat Dec 10, 2011 9:47 pm

Meng Huo is brought before Zhuge Liang after a disgraceful defeat.

Zhuge Liang: Meng Huo, no wonder you can’t escape me! How can someone who calls himself a warrior get so morbidly fat?

Meng Huo: ‘Cause every time I f--- your wife she makes me a sandwich.

Meng Huo is released, and gathers another army. Battle is joined, and once again, Meng Huo is defeated and captured. He’s brought before the Prime Minister.


Zhuge Liang: So, what have got to say now that you’re on your knees, bound in chains and begging for mercy?

Meng Huo: ‘Yue Ying, what’s the safe word?’
I don't write fanfic, but if I did it would involve Zhou Yu and Zheng He fighting to win the heart of Lai Choi San. Then I'd make them join forces to fight Ming the Merciless, who secretly works for Master Li. I'd squeeze Lu Bu in there somehow.
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Re: Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby epaminondas146871 » Sun Dec 11, 2011 4:03 pm

TooMuchBaijiu wrote:Meng Huo is brought before Zhuge Liang after a disgraceful defeat.

Zhuge Liang: Meng Huo, no wonder you can’t escape me! How can someone who calls himself a warrior get so morbidly fat?

Meng Huo: ‘Cause every time I f--- your wife she makes me a sandwich.

Meng Huo is released, and gathers another army. Battle is joined, and once again, Meng Huo is defeated and captured. He’s brought before the Prime Minister.


Zhuge Liang: So, what have got to say now that you’re on your knees, bound in chains and begging for mercy?

Meng Huo: ‘Yue Ying, what’s the safe word?’


Lol :lol: !
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Re: Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby Zhuanyong » Thu Dec 15, 2011 9:08 pm

epaminondas146871 wrote:
TooMuchBaijiu wrote:Meng Huo is brought before Zhuge Liang after a disgraceful defeat.

Zhuge Liang: Meng Huo, no wonder you can’t escape me! How can someone who calls himself a warrior get so morbidly fat?

Meng Huo: ‘Cause every time I f--- your wife she makes me a sandwich.

Meng Huo is released, and gathers another army. Battle is joined, and once again, Meng Huo is defeated and captured. He’s brought before the Prime Minister.


Zhuge Liang: So, what have got to say now that you’re on your knees, bound in chains and begging for mercy?

Meng Huo: ‘Yue Ying, what’s the safe word?’


Lol :lol: !


Indeed! You need to post these more often. Sandwich making and peach garden shenanigans, oh boy. :lol:
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Re: Behind the scenes RoTK (funny version)

Unread postby Striga » Fri Feb 03, 2012 3:24 am

TooMuchBaijiu wrote:A variation on an old favorite:

Yu Jin, Dian Wei and Xu Chu are sitting outside Xia Pi, getting appropriately plastered during a lull in the battle against Lu Bu. Problem is, the Baijiu's running low. Yu Jin has a cunning plan.

He looks both Dian and Xu in the eye and says "I don't care what the Prime Minister says, I'm the strongest man in all the country!" Well, Dian and Xu aren't happy about this. "You lie!" They both say.

"Then let us prove our worth! The first man who can kill a panda and screw Lu Bu's concubine without dying will be the strongest man in all the Empire!" Dian Wei and Xu Chu agree, and scurry off.

Some hours later, Dian Wei comes panting back to the campsite, his armor a little worn, but otherwise no worse for the wear. "All right, Yu Jin, I'm not so tough. I took down that beast with ease, but there's no way I'm going to get caught by Lu Bu with my pants down. I concede defeat."

"Hah! I d-dun give a damn 'b-'bout whoda strungest in the Han...Wei...the thingamabob. I just wanted your grubby hands of the w-w-wine. And I succeeded, bitch! Ha HA! Now...where's Xu Zoo?"

Xu Chu finally returns. His skin is covered in blood and slash marks, his armor in shreds. "Now," he mouths out, "Where's this concubine you want me to kill?"


Missed something earlier. Noting how Xu Chu was supposed to be dumb, maybe he went after a Red Panda, not a Giant one. That would simply mean he fell out of a tree (how embarrassing :lol: )
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