Jokes

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Re: Jokes

Unread postby Striga » Mon Dec 12, 2011 2:29 am

Though this ruins the joke, but why nail the duck to the ground when he could butcher the duck and sell him?
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Re: Jokes

Unread postby Shen Ai » Mon Dec 12, 2011 10:10 am

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Re: Jokes

Unread postby SunXia » Mon Dec 12, 2011 2:27 pm

Striga wrote:Though this ruins the joke, but why nail the duck to the ground when he could butcher the duck and sell him?

It's just one of those silly jokes that doesn't really have a point!! Duck continually annoys the butcher, he makes a flippant remark that was a threat so the Duck calls him on it!! It's a bit like this one:

A man walks into the Library and demands "Have you got any Fish'n'Chips??" The Librarian looks at him horrified, "This is a Library Sir!!" A dawning look appear on the man's features "Oooooooh I'm sorry," he whispers quietly this time, "have you got any Fish'n'Chips??"

See just a silly one that takes different replies to flippancy!!
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Re: Jokes

Unread postby TooMuchBaijiu » Tue Dec 13, 2011 2:50 am

This one isn't so much a joke as something a friend of mine did on a bet.

He walked into a police station, threw a package of bacon on the floor and yelled "Officer down!"

I believe the police detained him, but couldn't hold him as it's not a crime to be a jackass.

Also another one I heard:

Sometimes I like to dress up in a devil costume and wait in the basement in front of the elevator. Every time it opens I yell out "You've come one floor too f---kin' far!"

I wish I could post more jokes, but I can't. I'm at this coffee shop right now and there's this shifty-eyed asshole behind me reading every word I ty
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Re: Jokes

Unread postby Striga » Tue Dec 13, 2011 3:21 am

That much so that you couldn't even finish typing the sentence. :lol:
I think that's a better joke than the rest.
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Re: Jokes

Unread postby Lady Wu » Tue Dec 13, 2011 7:25 pm

SunXia wrote:A man walks into the Library and demands "Have you got any Fish'n'Chips??" The Librarian looks at him horrified, "This is a Library Sir!!" A dawning look appear on the man's features "Oooooooh I'm sorry," he whispers quietly this time, "have you got any Fish'n'Chips??"

I love these (the whole "missing the point" jokes). Post more!
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Re: Jokes

Unread postby bodidley » Wed Dec 14, 2011 10:41 am

An old woman brings a new rooster to the chicken coop. The old rooster decides that it won't be long before he winds up in the soup pot so he says to the young rooster "Listen here, you may think you can just barge in here like you're the new the cock on the block, but if you want these hens you'll have to earn it."

"Ok, that's fair. What do you propose?" the young rooster says.

"We'll race to the barn, but I'm old so it's not fair unless you give me a three step handicap," the old rooster says.

"Alright," says the young rooster, "you can start a few steps ahead of me."

The old rooster says "Ready, set, go!" and takes off running, with the young rooster hot on his spurs. Just then, the old woman returns. "Oh no, that's the third gay rooster this week!"
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Re: Jokes

Unread postby bodidley » Thu Dec 15, 2011 8:31 am

This one's a bit lewd so if you're faint of heart cover your screen.

A guy walks into a bar restroom. He hears someone at the urinal next to him and looks down to his side to see a dwarf standing next to him.

"Holy smokes," the man says, "I'm not gay or anything but I couldn't help notice you're surprisingly well equipped for a man of your stature."

"Ah, ye see but I'm no ordinary man," says the dwarf, "I'm a leprechaun, and if ye'd like I can grant ye a wish."

"If you don't mind I'd like to have a member like yours," the man says.

"OK fine," says the leprechaun, "but to do that Ay'll have tae use it on ye."

After much agonizing the man decides that the ends justify the means.

"So what do ye do?" asks the leprechaun.

"Rrrr, I'm a ... musician," the man says.

"An where ye from?" asks the leprechaun.

"Rrrr, New ... York," the man says.

"An how old are ye?" asks the leprechaun.

"Thirty ... seven," the man says.

"Ah," the leprechaun says, "tirty-seven years old and ye still believe in leprechauns."
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Re: Jokes

Unread postby mrbeate » Thu Jan 19, 2012 4:46 am

Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the sheik came in.

"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."

The sheik turned to the first man and asked him what he did for a living.

"I'm a cop," said the first man.

"Then we will shoot your penis off!" said the sheik. He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.

"I'm a firemen," said the second man.

"Then we will burn your penis off!" said the sheik. Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?"

The third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"
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Re: Jokes

Unread postby Lady Wu » Sat Jan 21, 2012 12:55 am

I have taken the unusual measure of removing a section of inappropriate content (as well as responses to that content) from this thread. "Jokes" that involve reinforcing negative stereotypes of people of different ethnic groups, religions, or sexual orientation are not welcome in society in general, and definitely not welcome on SoSZ. They are simply not funny.

If there are questions about this moderation decision, please feel free to PM myself or James.

Also, I'd like to ask everyone in this thread to self-moderate before posting potentially-offensive content. It's good to loosen up and have a good laugh, but not at the expense of other members' comfort and sense of security.
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