Relationships are they truly necessary?

Discuss literature (e.g. books, newspapers), educational studies (getting help or opinions on homework or an essay), and philosophy.

Relationships are they truly necessary?

Unread postby DynastyWarriors6 » Sat May 09, 2009 4:54 am

This has been something that's been going over and over in my head as of recent. Are relationships truly necessary to lead a life, or are they ways to distract oneself from his or her own personal problems? Look at marriage and divorce, look at all the broken families children are dealing with. Their parents separating making children think sometimes it is their own fault, is it truly right to do that to them?

What is the point of them if all they can do is cause pain and hurt on a whole new level? It's easy to deal with physical pain sometimes, but mental and emotional pain can last months even years how is that beneficial to a person. I know some people will say, 'but loves great when you find that special someone' but lets be realistic here from what I see and hear everyday on news and people it isn't. What are the real benefits besides someones support?

I'm truly considering forgetting about relationships in general and just soloing it.
User avatar
DynastyWarriors6
Scholar of Shen Zhou
 
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sun Aug 14, 2005 4:31 am
Location: Oregon

Re: Relationships are they truly necessary?

Unread postby ChaosIncarnate » Sat May 09, 2009 10:22 am

It really depends on the relationship in question and the people in it. I've kinda been thinking in the same manner lately, having been really disillusioned about it all from a couple of rejections and one psychotic ex girlfriend. Plus some friends' bad experiences in the relationship department further increased my content with staying single for the time being.

The thing is, either two people really click, fall in love and all that... or they don't. The problem is that many don't seem to realize when they don't really click, and then it comes back to haunt them a few years later, and the relationship naturally falls apart. Some people really do click, too, though, I've seen it happen once or twice. But most people tend to settle down with the first person that's nice enough to sleep with them, without giving any thought to whether they can stand to live together for prolonged periods of time. Therefore there is all the divorce, domestic violence and infidelity we hear about all the time in the media.

Being single really isn't that bad-you can keep your own hours, and should the right person for you come along, you're not tied down! There's a passage or two in the Book of Proverbs saying something along the lines of it's better to live alone in the wilderness than with a crabby woman in a lovely home. Pretty practical advice, if you ask me.
"To move swiftly, strike vigorously, and secure all the fruits of victory, is the secret of successful war."

—Stonewall Jackson, 1863
User avatar
ChaosIncarnate
Initiate
 
Posts: 59
Joined: Wed May 06, 2009 12:01 pm
Location: Austin, Texas

Re: Relationships are they truly necessary?

Unread postby Shikanosuke » Sun May 10, 2009 10:49 pm

DynastyWarriors6 wrote:This has been something that's been going over and over in my head as of recent. Are relationships truly necessary to lead a life, or are they ways to distract oneself from his or her own personal problems?


A)I'm unsure what you mean. You develop all kinds of relationships.
B) Relationships are often our personal problems.

I think I'm going to say yes.


Look at marriage and divorce, look at all the broken families children are dealing with. Their parents separating making children think sometimes it is their own fault, is it truly right to do that to them?


Look at all the happy marriages and amicable divorces. Look at all the happy families. I don't think pointing out fractured relationships is indicative of relationships, other to acknowledge they are often complicated.

What is the point of them if all they can do is cause pain and hurt on a whole new level?


All they can do? That sounds mostly like it was written in some sort of depressive state. Thats is not all they can do, and anyone who spends five seconds looking around can come to a similar conclusion. If that was all they could do, people would avoid them like the plague.


It's easy to deal with physical pain sometimes, but mental and emotional pain can last months even years how is that beneficial to a person.


Pain can be just as productive and instructive as pleasure. Often not being in a relationship can lead to similar ailments.


I know some people will say, 'but loves great when you find that special someone' but lets be realistic here from what I see and hear everyday on news and people it isn't. What are the real benefits besides someones support?


The news is poor resource for information on happy couples. I'm not sure why you'd use it as a reference book for relationships. Relationships bring all kinds of various and empowering benefits. Happiness is typically one. Lets be realistic here, are you just reeling from sort of break-up/been single for too long? Realistically people are engaged in happy relationships everyday.

I'm truly considering forgetting about relationships in general and just soloing it.


you're call, but unless you live in a hermit cabin you will most likely form relationships of some kind with some person.
User avatar
Shikanosuke
Scholar of Shen Zhou
 
Posts: 4337
Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 2:22 am
Location: US

Re: Relationships are they truly necessary?

Unread postby WeiWenDi » Sun May 10, 2009 11:13 pm

Shikanosuke wrote:A)I'm unsure what you mean. You develop all kinds of relationships.


DynastyWarriors6 wrote:Are relationships truly necessary to lead a life, or are they ways to distract oneself from his or her own personal problems? Look at marriage and divorce, look at all the broken families children are dealing with.


DynastyWarriors6 wrote:I know some people will say, 'but loves great when you find that special someone' but lets be realistic here


Perhaps in the context of the question as it was asked, we could say that 'relationship' means a romantic relationship. However, I don't think it affects Shik's other specific points.

Shikanosuke wrote:
DynastyWarriors6 wrote:Look at marriage and divorce, look at all the broken families children are dealing with. Their parents separating making children think sometimes it is their own fault, is it truly right to do that to them?

Look at all the happy marriages and amicable divorces. Look at all the happy families. I don't think pointing out fractured relationships is indicative of relationships, other to acknowledge they are often complicated.


Well said, Shikanosuke - but let's not cheat the argument by glossing it over. Divorce and broken relationships can and do cause a massive amount of pain and psychological fallout, particularly where children are involved. At the same time, I think your instincts are right on this one - just because a romantic relationship inevitably comes with complications (maybe even sometimes really bad ones) doesn't mean it's something to avoid altogether.

Shikanosuke wrote:Pain can be just as productive and instructive as pleasure. Often not being in a relationship can lead to similar ailments.


I'd actually argue that the latter is worse. The pain coming out of a relationship at least has potential to be instructive. I've had to face the pain and the self-doubt coming out of a really unhealthy, one-sided relationship, but I felt like a stronger person for it. I also know the pain that comes from anxious inaction and closing myself off well enough to know that it can't be instructive, except (realistically) by reaching out.
Some more blood, Chekov. The needle won't hurt, Chekov. Take off your shirt, Chekov. Roll over, Chekov. Breathe deeply, Chekov. Blood sample, Chekov! Marrow sample, Chekov! Skin sample, Chekov! If I live long enough... I'm going to run out of samples.
User avatar
WeiWenDi
Hedgehog Emperor
 
Posts: 3833
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2008 12:09 am
Location: L'Étoile du Nord

Re: Relationships are they truly necessary?

Unread postby Shikanosuke » Sun May 10, 2009 11:18 pm

WeiWenDi wrote:Well said, Shikanosuke - but let's not cheat the argument by glossing it over. Divorce and broken relationships can and do cause a massive amount of pain and psychological fallout, particularly where children are involved. At the same time, I think your instincts are right on this one - just because a romantic relationship inevitably comes with complications (maybe even sometimes really bad ones) doesn't mean it's something to avoid altogether.


I agree they have such potential. They have potential either way (theoretically). However, even with the potential for failure I think its both healthy and natural to seek them out anyhow. An inherent possibility for pain in a relationship should not be a deterrent.

I'd actually argue that the latter is worse. The pain coming out of a relationship at least has potential to be instructive. I've had to face the pain and the self-doubt coming out of a really unhealthy, one-sided relationship, but I felt like a stronger person for it. I also know the pain that comes from anxious inaction and closing myself off well enough to know that it can't be instructive, except (realistically) by reaching out.


100% Agree. Often, especially as a youth, such sort of dramatic and bad relationships merely pave the way for a better understanding of humans, relationships, and one's self in such a way where it makes it more possible to have a healthy, mature, and responsible relationship later on.Again, it is one of those things I encourage even with the inherent danger.
User avatar
Shikanosuke
Scholar of Shen Zhou
 
Posts: 4337
Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 2:22 am
Location: US

Re: Relationships are they truly necessary?

Unread postby SunXia » Mon May 11, 2009 5:41 pm

Obviously we all need some for of relationship with others, be it romantic or platonic!!

I remember having this conversation with somebody who seemed determined to remain alone and out of a relationship all his life but then, he'd never experience a relationship of his own so in my view, he wasn't really suitably qualified (or experienced) to really make that decision for himself!! Yes relationships can end hardly and some can affect us for the rest of our lives if we let them!! I certainly remember leaving an abusive relationship and thinking that it wasn't worth the hurt and pain that came with it!! Then I actually experienced love and ok, maybe it wasn't a marriage or anything but it was still something very fundamental to me and helped me see that not all relationships have to be bad or become bad but can be a wonderful thing to be a part of!! Sure it's not for everyone but the handful of people I know that aren't actually in relationships have become very embittered and cold about everything around them and to me, that must be a very sad way to live your life!! If you go into a relationship with nothing but thoughts of how it isn't worth it and thinking that it won't work out then the chances are that it won't work out because there's no motivation to try and such!! Of course I know people who married because they didn't want to be lonely and not for love and it never ended happily or anything!!

Relationships aren't easy, they need a lot of work to last and if there's no motivation on either party's part then it won't work!! Yes, there's the honeymoon period with the chemistry and spark that initially drives it at the start!! But once that's gone people begin to think that there's no excitement anymore because other things in life start taking over their lives and they one participant will become feeling unloved and thus bitter and resentful!!

My advice, if you decide to enter a relationship, remember its like a fire in the heart; fire is created by a spark of heat but in order to be maintained it needs other factors to ensure that it still burns powerfully and brightly!! The initial attraction isn't enough to keep it burning, you have to take time out of your, probably very busy life, to ensure that it keeps burning or else we are left with the cold ash of our own resentment and bitterness!!

If you don't want a relationship that's up to you but be sure that it's what you want and that you will be happy; remember, others may not choose to livei n solitude and thus, you will not have as many friends around you constantly as you id in your younger years because they may be busy with their own families and such!!

Whatever makes you happy is what you need!!

EDIT: sorry if that sounds like I'm trying to be all high and mighty, its just how I see the world and the relationships!!
If becoming enlightened or an intellectual means I must become arrogant and coldly cynical about the world around me then I'd gladly remain a fool for the rest of my life!!

I'm Out4Marriage!!!Are You??

It is a CHOICE!!
User avatar
SunXia
Warrior Princess
Warrior Princess
 
Posts: 6564
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2005 3:48 pm
Location: Keeping Evils from this world at bay...with a smile!!

Re: Relationships are they truly necessary?

Unread postby James » Mon May 11, 2009 6:43 pm

@DynastyWarriors6: I'll assume you're speaking of romantic relationships. First, I can definitely attest to the saying, "Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." I'm single right now and I know the pain of losing someone I love, but I wouldn't trade the experience and memories for anything. Second, if you want a relationship to work in the long run you're going to have to enter it with a positive attitude, the ability to put your partner first, and the ability to challenge your own ideas, recognize when you're wrong, and improve your person. Many people aren't able to do this, and even good people sometimes have to go through a lot of heartbreak before they really find the proper balance.

Some people do choose to forgo relationships, and for them that might be the correct choice.
Kongming’s Archives – Romance of the Three Kingdoms Novel, History and Games
“ They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”
  — Ben Franklin
User avatar
James
Sausaged Fish
Sausaged Fish
 
Posts: 17958
Joined: Fri Jun 14, 2002 3:21 pm
Location: Happy Valley, UT

Re: Relationships are they truly necessary?

Unread postby DynastyWarriors6 » Sat May 16, 2009 4:13 am

I still can't help but wonder why bother with such an idea, or pursue something that can cause so much pain for your mental and emotional being. What is their to gain from romantic relationships that can be useful to someone in the real world? Does personal development really effect your job, your friends, your family(parents and siblings) in a positive way? Two of my friends who have been in extremely serious relationships that had the potential for marriage ended very badly. All so everyone I know and I mean everyone including myself has their parents divorced or are separated living under the same roof for economic reasons.

It's quite obvious in the current climate of social order that marriage and love have and are fickle and it's extremely easy to wander away. So why do we pursue something that we most likely will never truly find in another person? I know I'm basically asking what's the meaning of life, I know we look to fill holes and gaps within are self's with others, ideas, or materials. But why not look within ourselves to find those answers, why not correct ourselves and our own personality issues instead of turning to someone to make us correct ourselves. Are we just children who have to be told you have a bad habit and you need to correct it, or can you grab yourself and just fix the issue instead of waiting for someone to tell you?
User avatar
DynastyWarriors6
Scholar of Shen Zhou
 
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sun Aug 14, 2005 4:31 am
Location: Oregon

Re: Relationships are they truly necessary?

Unread postby SunXia » Sat May 16, 2009 4:18 pm

I only know two people whose parents no longer live together or are divorced....three or four at most but those would be more like people I'd barely met!!

Well, if you're only looking at it as in to fill gaps in your life, that's a pretty overly cynical view!! I'm not in a relationship now and yet I do not sense any gaps in my life, I'm quite happy as I am!! But I wouldn't use that happiness as a reason to prevent me from entering a relationship!! When I'm part of a couple, I feel attracted to the other person in many ways and yet, feel as if they are a very close friend that I can confide in and experience things with on a fun level!!

That's just like asking "Why bother doing anything you enjoy that does not involve your inner self in it's whole entirety??" People turn to others in the same way others turn to computer games or to watch television!! They enjoy being with others, being sociable and having fun and if they experience an attraction there then that's fine too!!

I guess its different strokes for different folks ain't it?? I know I'm a sociable person and love being in the company of others and meeting new people!! I also enjoy being with someone who knows me like no other and understands me and accepts me fully as I am and if it doesn't work out, that's fine!! You ask if it's worth it and really, sometimes it isn't, sometimes a relationship becomes warped and bitter but then, that's the choice you make if you enter into one without being prepared for the work that comes with keeping the warmth and love there!! At other times, yes the break up is hard but boy, I wouldn't have given up the moments of love and completeness I've felt in my life, espite the heartache that came with it!!

To me that would be like asking if there was a point in becoming attached to my Grandmother, or Great-Grandmother or my friend that killed himself nearly three years ago!! Despite all the hurt that came and still haunts me to this day I would never have given up any of those relationships for the world because, if even briefly, they made me happy at the time and true happiness, to me, is worth all the pain and grief that comes with life!! The UP's are always worth over and above a hundred of the DOWN's in life and I grasp them whenever I can!!

How do you suggest we find our inner selves and be happy and content without goods or relationships of the world?? To give them all up - friends, family, clothes and necessities like toiletries for our hygiene - because we shouldn't need them in the long run if we were truly happy and without gaps in our lives??

Like I said before, I'm not looking for a relationship, if it happens it happens and if it doesn't it doesn't, and I don't regret any of the happy relationships i've had despite what may have been nasty break-ups!!
If becoming enlightened or an intellectual means I must become arrogant and coldly cynical about the world around me then I'd gladly remain a fool for the rest of my life!!

I'm Out4Marriage!!!Are You??

It is a CHOICE!!
User avatar
SunXia
Warrior Princess
Warrior Princess
 
Posts: 6564
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2005 3:48 pm
Location: Keeping Evils from this world at bay...with a smile!!

Re: Relationships are they truly necessary?

Unread postby Shikanosuke » Sat May 16, 2009 4:52 pm

DynastyWarriors6 wrote:I still can't help but wonder why bother with such an idea, or pursue something that can cause so much pain for your mental and emotional being.


Because if you merely avoid anything merely because it has the possibility of causing emotional pain you might as well lock yourself in your room for the rest of your life. All interactions have risks.


What is their to gain from romantic relationships that can be useful to someone in the real world? Does personal development really effect your job, your friends, your family(parents and siblings) in a positive way?


I'm not sure I even understand the question. Romantic relationships are part of your real world. Theres plenty that can be accomplished by being involved in one. The benefits can be any number of things from emotional satisfaction/contentment/happiness to economic benefits to being able to reproduce. Does personal development effect anything? Yes. It effects everyone. If it wasn't for the relationships with the people you mentioned you'd be a socially-stunted feral child.


Two of my friends who have been in extremely serious relationships that had the potential for marriage ended very badly. All so everyone I know and I mean everyone including myself has their parents divorced or are separated living under the same roof for economic reasons.


Anecdotal. Many of my friends and people I know have been in long-term relationships for some time and are more happy than I've ever seen them. They've created long-lasting ties that will possibly last them their entire lives and have created families which have given them a sense of purpose I probably won't be able to understand until I have one. Also, the majority of people I know have their parents still together. While I concede divorce is much more commonplace today, this doesn't mean it has to be rule. Nor does it in anyway indicate that being in a romantic relationship will inevitably lead to divorce.


It's quite obvious in the current climate of social order that marriage and love have and are fickle and it's extremely easy to wander away. So why do we pursue something that we most likely will never truly find in another person? I know I'm basically asking what's the meaning of life, I know we look to fill holes and gaps within are self's with others, ideas, or materials. But why not look within ourselves to find those answers, why not correct ourselves and our own personality issues instead of turning to someone to make us correct ourselves. Are we just children who have to be told you have a bad habit and you need to correct it, or can you grab yourself and just fix the issue instead of waiting for someone to tell you?


Love and marriage are always fickle, as they are arbitrary. This isn't new or revolutionary. You're asking a question and trying to fill in the answer with whatever is currently fitting your emotional state, temporarily. Personal problems we may have, but that doesn't mean that we don't or shouldn't engage in social relationships. If anything, social interaction and relationships often aid in alleviating those personal problems that we could never, ever, figure out on our own.
User avatar
Shikanosuke
Scholar of Shen Zhou
 
Posts: 4337
Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 2:22 am
Location: US

Next

Return to Literature, Academics, and Philosophy

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests

Copyright © 2002–2008 Kongming’s Archives. All Rights Reserved

 
cron