Why do women stay with abusive men?

[weiyan405]

and your summation was accurate, lady moderator. you can't live a lie and loving someone doesnt make them love you the same way. if only it were that simple....

[Shikanosuke]

well shikan's definately female lol. too defensive not to be.

Wrong. I'm quite male, proudly so. I am defensive because I am male, and because I think your theory to be condecending and presumptuous.

men and women are very different in some ways, as we all well know. yes sunxia (i'm not sexist btw, i promise :p) it is a sad fact that most guys tend to care a lot more about sex and status with their buddies than a girl's feelings, and when a girl is with a dude like that every other guy around him can see right through his game and wonder why she can't.

Much like I'm seeing through many of these 'guyisms' you've been putting out as 'wisdom'.

and you wanna know how to tell if it's a crummy relationship? do your homework BEFORE it becomes a relationship.

Ironically, homework is done by dating or talking. In such a stage, people tend to act the oppoisite of their actual personalities. So unless you mean background checks, and speaking with all past contacts, your advice is rather trivial.

make 'em wait before you give them your dignity (sex for acceptance, even on a primal subconscious level, equals lack of dignity and self respect) and let time pass (God forbid even a couple of years) and see what behavior is consistent over time and what's erratic and/or impulsive behavior, and develop your relationship. remember you gotta be best friends first and foremost and that takes time to develop. plus if he's just trying to get you to sleep with him he isn't gonna wait for it that long and he'll leave, saving you the hardship of wasting your life with him. there is no fool-proof way to completely eliminate the threat of a bad relationship but prevention is the best defense for anything

Admist this wall of text I didn't really see any new or informative information. I'm quite fine with absintence in a relationship, but they can functionally exist without it as well. Nor do I think the sole way to ensure you're relationship isn't 'crummy' is to actively pursue abistenence.

. you all got gramma's and pappa's right? I bet at least 75% are still together if not seperated by death. what did they know that people these days don't? so instead of getting defensive about my point of view (this doesnt apply to everyone, of course) maybe you should consider the merit in it.if you don't believe me just ask your grandma or grandpa why they stayed together so long? they didnt jump to conclusions or live off impulses. they did it the right way.

I haven't seen much 'merit' in much of what you've been typing. Just flowing and random musings really. Also, I think you're making things way too simplistic. You relate people staying in marriages with happiness and 'rightness'. Yes, the divorce rate is up. Yet that doesn't mean people are horrible. It means they have that choice nowadays, something which in the past which was less accepted. So before you start assuming all old people who are still married are the perfect example of what a marriage should be, you should consider if they had always wished to remain that way or if they chose to do so out of a lack of option.

sex is too available these days so what's gonna make the "dogs" out there change? they know they can get it easily if they just bs you long enough for you to drop your initial defenses and they know they dont have to care about the girl in order to achieve their goals. and i've seen a lot of good guys get the short end of the stick (that's the nice way to put it) and other guys see that so if both sexes, at least as a majority, see kindness as a form of useless weakness, then what motivation is there in human interactions to pursue or embody it in any way? not saying people dont even pretend to be nice but i shouldnt have to spell that out either. to that end it will be minimized to bare necessity, thus you have the guy who really dont care how your day went or how things make you feel but will act like it when the relationship is fresh or he wants something.

I'm trying my best to not lose my eyesight in this wall of text and ramblings. Theres no point in me commenting on most of these parts as their just opinions, which is fine.

and btw shikan i was a missle ballistics tech during my stint in the army, and i am just a year away from recieving my teacher's certification in world history, health and wellness and anatomy, plus i will achieve a coaching certification in 3 semesters and have a 159 iq, even tho i dont give that too much accord as it is relevant only to pattern recognition, but i dont think that makes me dumb

A) Congratulations on your credentials.
B) I care very little about your credentials, as on internet forums they count for little in comparison to the argument you present.
C) To my knowledge, I've yet to call you dumb. I've questioned the rhetoric and logic of your arguments, which I find to be lacking.

and i can come back with more than just impulsive ranting, which on some planets is recognized as intellect.

So far, you've demonstrated a lack of ability to produce anything but walls of texts, or as you say impulsive ranting. Perhaps if you remedied this it would be easier to understand what you think your argument represents.

i'm at least a couple steps above the amoeba i'm sure and i have female friends who are a lot smarter than me, but they still fall for the worst guys and it just stupifies me.

Crap, I didn't know you had female friends, now you're an expert my friend. Seriously though, this is anecdotal, not proof. Nor does it suggest the conclusion to be drawn from this information is that all females are drawn to promiscuity, danger, and crappy suitors.

and forgive me lady moderator but I dont see why you cant be happy with the one person who's gonna look you in the eyes when you're old and grey and tell you he doesnt regret a second of his life with you.

Probably because when people speak in absolutes they are lying. But its a nice sentiment I assume.

anyone in pursuit of anything else is polluted by modern humanity, which is barely humanity at all, but i'm sure that will be contested as well

Probably because you've decided the character of someone else based on their pursuits and not based on the knowledge of the individual.

[weiyan405]

you think trying to define me in a little bubble that your pathetic brain can comprehend and criticize affects me or means anything at all? I read your txts and i cant tell if your just a desparate loser who likes to use big words and belittle others to make yourself feel better or you think this is getting you brownie points somewhere. if you expended half the energy you just wasted on trying to dog me out on anything else you'd be an expert too. this is a forum for sharing ideas and opinions, not spamming to call someone else a spammer. too simplistic?? sounds like someone who outhinks himself, and your over defensiveness leads me to surmise that you have poor impulse control and a few insecurities that you can't remedy, so use big words cuz that's what the grown-ups do and criticize the first person who dont share your view on something. yea, i'm sorry i didnt realize sooner that you totally rock (bows in respect).

[Shikanosuke]

you think trying to define me in a little bubble that your pathetic brain can comprehend and criticize affects me or means anything at all?

I'm not trying to define you at all, I do define you arguments however. Nor do I think it effects you, nor do I care much. I'm commenting on your argument, if you didn't want me to do that, you wouldn't have posted on an internet forum. I'm not here to engage in a insult slinging contest, I'm here to talk about your arguments. Unfortuantely, I see much more of them coming I think.

I read your txts and i cant tell if your just a desparate loser who likes to use big words and belittle others to make yourself feel better or you think this is getting you brownie points somewhere.

What you should be focusing on is the arguments presented. Yet, you seem to be focused on trying to figure out which insult to call me. I don't need to belittle anyone, nor do I wish to. I judged the merits of your arguements, or lack thereof, as you at one point agreed we should.

if you expended half the energy you just wasted on trying to dog me out on anything else you'd be an expert too.

Thats a bit dramtic and false. I expended almost no energy. I typed, something which takes little energy or effort. I even utilized the quotation function, something also which takes little time. So spending the amount of time I just spent wouldn't make me an expert at anything. Furthermore, I never spent any energy trying to dog you out. I'm 'dogging' your argument.

this is a forum for sharing ideas and opinions,

Quite so! Congratulations on stating the obvious. You've stated an opinion, I've stated a contrary-one. Now we should be continuing to discuss the ideas...instead you're merely upset with how I'm personally attacking you, something which hasn't been occuring.

not spamming to call someone else a spammer.

Please show me where I've called you a spammer. I've complained you create walls of texts, but thats not spamming and I haven't called you that.

too simplistic?? sounds like someone who outhinks himself,

Yes, too simplistic. I have no idea how my complaining that your argument lacks logic or merit somehow equates to 'outthinking myself'. In fact, I'm not even sure what that insult means.

and your over defensiveness leads me to surmise that you have poor impulse control

I have not been over-defensive in anyway. I've never even assumed, until this post, you've been purposefully attacking me in any fashion. Not to mention I fail to understand how carefully responding to your post, point-by-point, constitutes poor impulse control. Quite the opposite conclusion should actually be drawn, perhaps if I had started spamming "ZOMG YOUZ DUMBZ" then I could qualify for such an insult. This hasn't been the case, sir.

and a few insecurities that you can't remedy,

Insecurities? Because I feel the need to stand up for what I believe to be the discrimination of women? Or because I don't like poor arguments? Well, you're on the wrong forum then buddy..because this is what we do.

so use big words cuz that's what the grown-ups do and criticize the first person who dont share your view on something.

A) If you think any of the words I've used constitutes a 'big' word then I have no clue what to say to you. They are just words.
B) How do you call me out on using 'big words' and not WWD, the master of linguistics. He is much more well-spoken then I am.
C) I am amazed you think that articulation takes away from an argument, but I'm becoming less suprised by your debate tactics by the moment.
D) Yes, I attacked your view. You posted your view. This is a forum where we debate ideas. All ideas are not equal and not deserving of respect. Get used to it or you'll be repeating your complaint in almost every post. Do you think this forum is just filled with people patting eatchother on the backs and saying 'well thats your opinion, bud!'

yea, i'm sorry i didnt realize sooner that you totally rock (bows in respect).

You don't have to apoligize to me for anything. Nor do I understand what kind of insult is 'rock'. Are you saying I'm dense? Well...I've had enough of responding to insults, instead of commentary on arguments.

[weiyan405]

and as for that last part of your text, look up behavioral psychology in the dictionary or get a book on it or something. all things exist by the rule of cause and effect. everything you do is an outward expression caused by something within, whether it be cognitive or from deep within the subconscious. that's how i know you're impulsive and insecure but you werent that hard to diagnose. just know that everything you do and say and wear and HOW you do and say things are a map of who you are and anyone who has studied this or has a little common sense can use this and read the "map" and , in effect, they can read you. How you think people make psychological profiles for FBI, CIA, police, or military? you think they guess? what you do is a reflection of you and what you have been up to the exact moment in time known as the present is what you are.

[weiyan405]

ahh the old "i know you are but what am i" approach. how touching. and when you quoted me stating i had female friends who's intellect rivalled my own your answer wasn't sarcastic and slanderous? "rrright" that's what made this a bit sour. i know you're a vet on these forums but you were out of line for that, and i will always defend myself, and since i saw nothing but political blabbering in your latest response i, too, will leave this alone. i was just sharing my opinion with everyone. such is the purpose of all forums. everone can read and see who threw the first punch tho

[Shikanosuke]

and as for that last part of your text, look up behavioral psychology in the dictionary or get a book on it or something. all things exist by the rule of cause and effect. everything you do is an outward expression caused by something within, whether it be cognitive or from deep within the subconscious. that's how i know you're impulsive and insecure but you werent that hard to diagnose. just know that everything you do and say and wear and HOW you do and say things are a map of who you are and anyone who has studied this or has a little common sense can use this and read the "map" and , in effect, they can read you. How you think people make psychological profiles for FBI, CIA, police, or military? you think they guess? what you do is a reflection of you and what you have been up to the exact moment in time known as the present is what you are.

I mean, this is just getting comical. Thank you for diagnosing me. And you're absolutely correct weiyan405. Cause and effect. Your poorly thought out arguments were the cause, the effect was my timely, carefully presented, response demonstrating how I thought they were.

Next. My response was the cause, the effect was for you complain about how I responded, and insult me continually and culminate in your 'diagnosis' of me being 'impulsive', 'insecure', and a 'rock'.

Finally, your silly rebuttal and refusal to actually focus on the issues has resulted in the effect of me at you. Nor do I think I will be the only one doing so either.

Seriously, drop all this. Start talking about the issue of why women stay with abusive men. If I respond to with a differing opinion, discuss it not your opinion of me.

ahh the old "i know you are but what am i" approach. how touching.

I haven't called you anything, so this isn't my approach. I don't care what you are, nor do I care what I am. Its about the ideas and their merit..remember?

and when you quoted me stating i had female friends who's intellect rivalled my own your answer wasn't sarcastic and slanderous? "rrright" that's what made this a bit sour. i know you're a vet on these forums but you were out of line for that

Yes. It was sacrasm. No, it wasn't out of line. If I say something stupid, slam me for it. Please. Get used to sarcasm here. I'll admit I'm not Mr. Polite but I'm not the only with a flare for sarcasm by any means.

, and i will always defend myself,

Good, you always should.

and since i saw nothing but political blabbering in your latest response i, too, will leave this alone.

There was absolutely nothing political about any of my posts in this thread.

i was just sharing my opinion with everyone. such is the purpose of all forums. everone can read and see who threw the first punch tho

A) If you think the purpose of forums, especially this one, is to just sound off randomly and unchallenged you're incorrect.
B) Yes, they can read. Thats fine with me.

i'm sorry for the triple txt everybody. just forgot to explain "rock" means "you rule" "you're cool". get it? it was sarcasm, indeed, but i felt you insulted me with your sarcasm earlier. i'm not blatantly insulting you, i'm just sayin get off my back so hard about my opinion pl0x.

Mmmmmmmk.

[weiyan405]

i'm sorry for the triple txt everybody. just forgot to explain "rock" means "you rule" "you're cool". get it? it was sarcasm, indeed, but i felt you insulted me with your sarcasm earlier. i'm not blatantly insulting you, i'm just sayin get off my back so hard about my opinion pl0x.

[weiyan405]

I WAS discussing the subject until you insulted me. it's in writing dude, you threw the first punch. you coulda gave your respose without slanderous sarcasm but you didnt and omg i like these forums too much to let this experience get soiled by my interactions with you so please just shut up talking to me, at least for today jeez

[weiyan405]

omg ok i know what you're doing now. i'm sorry mods. i swear i didnt mean for this to happen and no i wont slam you dude. i treat others the way i want to be treated. so i'd appreciate it if you didnt slam me. you dont even know me well enough so what gives you the right? i'm done on these forums for the day. a pity i have very little free time to discuss interesting topics with intelligent people and this experience has been properly ruined, and now that you know that you can stop being a jerk, literal man. took me a while to see that game you got but it really isnt neccessary. "what game? i'm not playing bathketball" i'm done. once again, i'm sorry mods and i'm gonna go cuz this guy got me a bit cranky.