Why do women stay with abusive men?

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Re: Why do women stay with abusive men?

Unread postby Shikanosuke » Fri Mar 27, 2009 5:41 pm

weiyan405 wrote:I WAS discussing the subject until you insulted me. it's in writing dude, you threw the first punch. you coulda gave your respose without slanderous sarcasm


My original response to your post was directed solely at your arguments. As you note, you can go back and read them and confirm this. Therefore, I was insulting your ideas/arguments and not you. Please stop saying I just straight up called you out. Yes, my sarcasm was present. My sarcasm is always present probably. But sacasm doesn't equal slander. So seriously, get back on this issue and stop freaking out because I disagreed with your opinion or showed contempt for it.


but you didnt and omg i like these forums too much to let this experience get soiled by my interactions with you so please just shut up talking to me, at least for today jeez


No? What does 'shut up talking to me' mean, anyway? If you do not wish to participate in a discussion, please do not post.

omg ok i know what you're doing now.


What I'm doing now is no different than what I was doing originally, other than now the subject matter has shifted from women to your disapproval of my rherotic or how 'mean' I was in my original response. No grand scheme.


i'm sorry mods. i swear i didnt mean for this to happen and no i wont slam you dude. i treat others the way i want to be treated.



So do I! Which is why I wouldn't want my debate partners to just let me off the hook when I said something stupid. I would want them to correct me, or to show me a different side of the issue to help me.


so i'd appreciate it if you didnt slam me.


Honestly I really haven't. I've disagreed with you and shown you some sarcasm. Never called you out yet or slammed you.


you dont even know me well enough so what gives you the right?


I will never know you well, nor I do need to. I have the right to judge your ideas for myself, thats all the rights I have on this forum anyway I believe.


i'm done on these forums for the day. a pity i have very little free time to discuss interesting topics with intelligent people and this experience has been properly ruined, and now that you know that you can stop being a jerk, literal man. took me a while to see that game you got but it really isnt neccessary. "what game? i'm not playing bathketball" i'm done. once again, i'm sorry mods and i'm gonna go cuz this guy got me a bit cranky.


I apoligize you've had a bad experience with me. I do not apoligize to you for being a responsive member of this forum. I find it disturbing you reduced this issue down to things such as 'i know you are but what am i? and "what game?". I've been completely honest with you. But I believe thats why you have been upset by my responses as well.


I am more than happy to forget this entire squabble and go back to the issue and my commentary on your opinions. I disagree with them obviously.
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Re: Why do women stay with abusive men?

Unread postby SunXia » Sat Mar 28, 2009 2:01 am

Alright guys, chill please!!

We are all aware that this is a very sensitive topic within which nothing can be classified as black and white, there are always grey areas in something like this and it will always be difficlt to sum up each other's views!! The problem comes when we try to pick apart our fellow members' views and then people can take that very personally because it is a deeply personal topic for some people!!

Let's just take a time out, we all have our views and there's no point in turning this into a mine field where people feel uncomfortable!!

Thanks guys!! :D
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Re: Why do women stay with abusive men?

Unread postby weiyan405 » Thu Apr 09, 2009 4:27 pm

forgive me, sun xia. yes i have a lot of bad experiences with things related to this topic and, you're right, I got too defensive. my roommate's little sister just got beat up by her boyfriend yesterday too. he always punched holes in the walls and broke stuff at her house and we all tried to warn her but not only didnt she listen she's dropping charges and trying to talk herself into getting back with him. i just don't understand, that's all. I've seen this so many times and it just confounds me
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Re: Why do women stay with abusive men?

Unread postby SunXia » Sat Apr 11, 2009 4:25 pm

Oh I can completely understand and there's no need for forgiveness, it's just nice if people remember that this can be a deeply personal issue for other members and if the debate gets highly aggravated then it can make those members feel uncomfortable and that's a situation we try to stay away from here at SoSZ!!

It is a very confusing issue and we'll never understand fully what goes on inside an abused woman or man's head because each situation is unique as wit hthe people involved!! Just try to be supportive of thise girl and hope that she can see the truth before it's way too late!! It's easier for some than it is for others and it depends on how deep into the relationship she is; a lot of it is that she may be afraid to be alone or that she's just used to being with him or that's she's afraid of what he'll do or that she genuinely doesn't think she can do better!! Just you and your friend be there for her!!
If becoming enlightened or an intellectual means I must become arrogant and coldly cynical about the world around me then I'd gladly remain a fool for the rest of my life!!

I'm Out4Marriage!!!Are You??

It is a CHOICE!!
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Re: Why do women stay with abusive men?

Unread postby Shikanosuke » Sun Apr 12, 2009 1:50 am

SunXia wrote: The problem comes when we try to pick apart our fellow members' views and then people can take that very personally because it is a deeply personal topic for some people!!


SunXia, I appreciate your effort to maintain a forum where the field isn't dominated by anything but heated discussions involving nothing but insults. That being said, people may indeed take offense to their views being picked apart, but that doesn't mean they are invulnerable to being picked apart. If I didn't want people to disagree with me, I wouldn't be a member of this forum. I'm glad you stepped in to hopefully get us back on track, and I hope we can move forward from this point debating the issues involved, and not how we debate them (as you've suggested).
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Re: Why do women stay with abusive men?

Unread postby SunXia » Mon Apr 13, 2009 1:28 am

Oh thanks for being understanding about it all!! Yes we are all members of a forum which provides rich debate and such and I wouldn't want to take away from that fact because it is such a huge aspect of our little community!!

At the same time, when it comes to issues such as this, they can be very heart wrenching for those that have went through such abuse and thus the atmosphere would become uncomfortable for those members, even in a light debate, thus it would be even harder if they had to witness harsh words or dismissive phrases or arguments being thrown about in a seemingly uncaring matter!!
If becoming enlightened or an intellectual means I must become arrogant and coldly cynical about the world around me then I'd gladly remain a fool for the rest of my life!!

I'm Out4Marriage!!!Are You??

It is a CHOICE!!
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Re: Why do women stay with abusive men?

Unread postby Shikanosuke » Mon Apr 13, 2009 12:42 pm

SunXia wrote:Oh thanks for being understanding about it all!! Yes we are all members of a forum which provides rich debate and such and I wouldn't want to take away from that fact because it is such a huge aspect of our little community!!

At the same time, when it comes to issues such as this, they can be very heart wrenching for those that have went through such abuse and thus the atmosphere would become uncomfortable for those members, even in a light debate, thus it would be even harder if they had to witness harsh words or dismissive phrases or arguments being thrown about in a seemingly uncaring matter!!


Perhaps, though such members may be cautioned ahead of time from entering such a place where open-candid debate of such issues is taking place. Either way, I'm looking forward to actually seeing the issues debated and not how/why.
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Re: Why do women stay with abusive men?

Unread postby Lonely_dragon » Mon Jun 22, 2009 9:35 am

Hi, I'm here to offer my opinion... I hope I didn't offend anyone. :)

I've seen quite a few examples on this case and also tried to find out why... most of them says that it's because the women loves the men deeply. Usually if this were the case then I most often gave up on trying to dissuade the women to leave the men It's a mistery to me and something that I find it difficult to comprehend. Is love so strong as to make a person to forgive how their companion treat them? or perhaps this is what they called a sacrifice this is still a mistery for me.

And I found another reason that I find quite make sense... one of my Aunt actually sometimes recieved bad treatment from her husband... And of course my mom and her sisters sometimes tried to dissuade her to leave her husband. But she won't do it with a reason it is a shame to end a marriage that had held on for almost 30 years. I think this is quite make sense the two of them had held on their love for 30 years and it is a such a shame to end it. And of course it will do no good for their children. And surprisingly they've always find a way to make up.

That is what I can came up with. I don't know 'bout you guys care to share what you thought on my opinion? :?
"Know yourself Know your enemy you can win 100 battles, Know yourself and know not the enemy find win and defeat in equal measures, Know not yourself and know not the enemy defeated in every battle." Sun Tzu
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Re: Why do women stay with abusive men?

Unread postby SunXia » Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:52 pm

Interesting I have a close family member in the same situation, who ends up staying in my room every weekend with her baby because of her stain of a boyfriend and the way he treats her!!

Yes, we encourage her to leave him but I still do sympathise with her over the whole situation as they do have a baby together!! She grew up never knowing her father and by now, not wanting to know her father but still, she doesn't want her child to grow up not knowing his father and having to face a line-up of potential fathers that later left her mother over and over again!!

On his side, his good friend just committed suicide and he's on anti-depressants but still he has to look past this to realiset hta he has a child now and he has to take responsibility of this fact and not expose the child to certain aspects of his behaviour he can do without!! I certainly don't want my nephew growing up and learning to be violent because that's how his father behaved!!

For now, all i can do is support her until she makes her own decision, no matter how unhappy I am with the decision, she wants to at least try to make it work!!
If becoming enlightened or an intellectual means I must become arrogant and coldly cynical about the world around me then I'd gladly remain a fool for the rest of my life!!

I'm Out4Marriage!!!Are You??

It is a CHOICE!!
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Re: Why do women stay with abusive men?

Unread postby Lonely_dragon » Tue Jun 23, 2009 4:31 am

Support is all we can offer at most of this cases since the choice to leave their companion behind is hers to take... However of course like you said Sun Xia there's also risk in that especially to those that already had childrens. A double edged one that is...

If she decide to leave her companion then her child will have to grow without a father or perhaps a new father. If she decided not to leave her child will grow to see their mother's suffering and will hold grudge against their father... This is not a good situation too... It is better if the two of them come to terms... But it will take a lot of understanding and effort...
"Know yourself Know your enemy you can win 100 battles, Know yourself and know not the enemy find win and defeat in equal measures, Know not yourself and know not the enemy defeated in every battle." Sun Tzu
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