He Man SGYY bio

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He Man SGYY bio

Unread postby Sima Hui » Sun Oct 17, 2004 7:09 pm

As a treat for you, I have decided to do a bio of the soaring demon He Man. Not very long, but I hope that doesn't matter.

He Man SGYY bio.

He Man was nicknamed "The Shooting Devil" and was a commander under Yellow Scarves leaders He Yi and Huang Shao in the early years of Emperor Xian's reign.

After Cao Cao defeated Lu Bu (1), winter came. Word reached Cao Cao that Tao Qian, his mortal enemy (2) had died. Cao Cao wanted to attack Xuzhou, but Xun Yu said, "If we attack Xuzhou, Lu Bu will take our home of Yanzhou. If we fail to take Xuzhou, then we will be wiped out. Let us forget attacking Xuzhou and raid the Runan area, where He Yi and Huang Shao, the Yellow Scarves, have stuffed their sacks full of grain and silk." Cao Cao agreed.

He Yi, Huang Shao and Cao Cao met at Goat Hill. The Scarves were numerous, but had no discipline. Cao Cao sent Dian Wei forward. He Yi sent his second in command forward as well. Dian Wei killed the man and routed the Yellow Scarves.

The next day, Huang Shao took command of the Scarves. The commander He Man strode out of the lines and shouted to Cao Cao's army, "I am He Man, the devil who shoots across the sky! Who dares challenge me!"

Cao Hong dismounted and rushed out. They fought forty to fifty bouts, before Cao Hong fled, trailing his sword. He Man pursued.

Cao Hong then swiftly turned and He Man, unable to react fast enough, was killed with a single blow from Cao Hong.

Author's Notes.

(1) Lu Bu had taken Yanzhou, Cao Cao's home, when Cao Cao had attacked Tao Qian.

(2) Tao Qian's officer, Zhang Kai, had killed Cao Song, Cao Cao's father. Cao held Tao responsible and so attacked him. Tao Qian was governor of Xuzhou.

What do you think? :)

Edit: Argh! Forgot the notes! Edited them in.
Last edited by Sima Hui on Mon Oct 18, 2004 5:51 pm, edited 5 times in total.
This topic is an affront to both The Man and The Son of the Man.

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Unread postby Lady Wu » Sun Oct 17, 2004 7:32 pm

Where are the notes? :)
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Unread postby Iain » Sun Oct 17, 2004 7:41 pm

What no long family history linking him to other well known warriors for years before his fateful encounter with the mighty terror that was Cao Hong?

Its really too bad he died so soon, with a name like that and a few more mighty deeds he could have had such potential. :wink:
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Unread postby James » Sun Oct 17, 2004 8:59 pm

You left out the part where he gets the Sword of Power?
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Unread postby Sima Hui » Sun Oct 17, 2004 9:05 pm

James wrote:You left out the part where he gets the Sword of Power?


Hm? What do you mean? Are you confusing characters? I thought that was Xiahou En... :?
This topic is an affront to both The Man and The Son of the Man.

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Unread postby Kong Wen » Sun Oct 17, 2004 9:27 pm

No, He Man definately gets it at some point. Otherwise he would never have been able to invoke the power of Grayskull.
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Unread postby PrimeMinister Bu Zhi » Sun Oct 17, 2004 11:08 pm

Hm? What do you mean? Are you confusing characters? I thought that was Xiahou En...


People are talking about the He-Man cartoon, which I think is pathetic and ridiculous, but that's another discussion.

Anyway, great bio, as always. That trailing sword trick made Cao Hong look better in my eyes, though I don't know if that was your focus. :D
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Unread postby Wizardman » Mon Oct 18, 2004 2:19 am

Nice Bio, especially for someone who is in the novel for such a short period of time. I would've liked to see him live longer too, sinc ehis name alone would've made at least Americans like him more.
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Unread postby Lu Wei » Mon Oct 18, 2004 3:34 am

People are talking about the He-Man cartoon, which I think is pathetic and ridiculous, but that's another discussion.


Its just a joke, man. Lighten up.


As for He Man. I HAVE THE POWERR!
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Unread postby Lady Wu » Mon Oct 18, 2004 4:47 am

I read the bio again, and it struck me that although the subject of the biography is He Man, his name doesn't appear until the second to last paragraph. I think it's good writing practice to have whatever you're talking about appear in the first paragraph of your prose. Right now it sounds like you're focussing on Cao Cao instead.

Though it's hard to do it in this case, since we know so little about He Man, you could try:

"He Man, nicknamed `Devil who Shoots across the sky', was a Yellow Scarves commander active in the Runan area during the early days of Emperor Xian's reign..."

You should also try turning the narrative around so that He Man and the Yellow Scarves are at the centre of attention instead of Cao Cao. This can be done by changing the sentences around (using passive voice, for example) so that HM/YS is the subject of the sentence.

Compare

Sima Hui wrote:Cao Hong then swiftly turned and dispatched He Man with a single stroke, killing him.


with

LW's rewrite wrote:Unexpectedly, the enemy general swiftly turned around. He Man, surprised, could not react fast enough, and was cut down in a single stroke.


That's not the best rewrite ever, but changing the narrative to be from He Man's point of view strengthens your writing immensely.

Paragraph 2 has "Scares' for "Scarves".

Edit: As a bonus, here's the happy He Man from the game "Millionaire of the Three Kingdoms 4":

Edit again: Ah, whatever, here's the full He Man collection: happy, normal, angry, and sad.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v220/Lady_Wu/heman.bmp">
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